


Underneath the Moonless Night

by Moonrakers



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types, The Hobbit - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, BAMF Bilbo, Bilbo's younger, Hurt/Comfort, Lots of Angst, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Attempted Suicide, Past Character Death, mentions of self harm
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-12-08
Updated: 2016-05-23
Packaged: 2018-01-04 00:02:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,672
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1074621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Moonrakers/pseuds/Moonrakers
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Murderer" they whisper behind his back. "Lock your doors at night" others say when they see him.<br/>Bilbo's past haunts him, ever since he came back 20 years ago without his mother and wouldn't tell a soul what had happened. Forced to be an outsider, no one dares approaches him. Bilbo has seen the cruelty of the outside world and bares the scars, and rather face the hobbits of the Shire then to go back. That is until Gandalf comes bringing with him 13 dwarves and drag him on an adventure where more then answers of the past is discovered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Just a short chapter, to test the waters so to speak.

Bilbo disregarded the whispers that followed him as he went into the market. Hobbits moved fast to get out of his way, children were clutched tight to their parent’s side as everyone watched as Bilbo passed by. Bilbo ignored them as best as he could pulling his hood more firmly over his face. He hated going to the market as lines disappeared as he gathered his goods, the proprietors of the stalls not daring to look at his face staring at his chest as they exchanged money, the higher price for his goods a testament that he wasn’t welcomed. He didn’t even react when a handful of mud was thrown at him as he made his way home, but he did notice that it was Lotho Sackville-Baggins while his mother Lobelia smiled approvingly not too far from away. 

He was lucky that Lotho decided one mud ball was enough and scampered away, Bilbo wasn’t in the mood to withstand a barrage of rocks and mud. He glanced up the hill to his smial, shocked to see a grey clad figure standing next to his green door. He could hear the voice of his mother in his ear telling him about her adventures with the Grey Wizard Gandalf and Bilbo could remember the figure as he played with his wooden sword under the Party Tree as fireworks lit the sky. 

He slowly approached the figure making sure the right side of his face was covered with hair and was in the shadow of his hood. “Can I help you?” he asked politely. 

The figure turned to him, “That remains to be seen, do you know where I can find Bilbo Baggins.”

Bilbo’s hand twitched as he heard the name Baggins, but quickly covered it up by opening the gate leading to his home. “You have found him Gandalf, what brings you to my door” He could see the shock on Gandalf’s face as he looked at the hobbit. Bilbo knew he was strange looking for a hobbit; his cloths were not bright, like other hobbits. His pants were light brown that reached down to his feet covering his curly leg hair leaving only his feet peaking out. His shirt was white with a darker shade of brown waistcoat paired with a chocolate jacket, the only spot of color he had was his cloak which was a dark forest green. Beside his hands and feet not one piece of skin was uncovered, everything else buried in layers of clothing. 

Gandalf shifted leaning on his staff, “I’m looking for someone to share an adventure.”

Bilbo frowned, “An adventure, outside the Shire?” Gandalf nodded and opened his mouth to say more but was cut off by Bilbo. “No try across the water or over the hill” he said shortly moving to step past the wizard and enter his door. 

Gandalf huffed, “To think I’d be turned down by Belladonna Took’s son like I was selling buttons at the door.” With Bilbo’s back to him Gandalf missed the look of sorrow that was soul deep that settled on Bilbo’s face, before it turned to fury.

“How dare you stand here and condescend me for not wanting to leave the Shire, my Mother would be just fine with me staying exactly where I’m at. I have no need to go on an adventure, have a good day Gandalf” he said hurrying into his home and rudely shutting the door in Gandalf’s face. Bilbo sighed as he leaned against the door, as much as he wished to leave the Shire he couldn’t, he knew the evil that lurked outside its borders. He walked to his bedroom drawling off his hood as he came to stand in front of a mirror; taking a deep breath he brushed aside the hair covering his right side. The sight hadn’t changed in twenty years, scars crisscrossed his eye, some were raised and a pale white color while other where sunk deep and were still an angry red color. The only change that had occurred was the glass eye that he had begun to use a few years ago. Sighing he skillfully took the eye out and set it down on the chest of drawers while grabbing his eye patch and put it on, he only put the eye in when he went out in public, he was more comfortable wearing the eye patch in the privacy of his home.

His hobbit hole was quiet as it usually was, he couldn’t help but feel on most days that he was a ghost haunting the many halls of his home. It eventually drove him to go outside his backyard that was shielded by hedges and set to work tending his Mother’s roses. Despite his shirt sticking to his chest as the sun beat down he didn’t remove a single piece of clothing, keeping himself covered at all times. He worked through the day skipping lunch and tea time, only stopping when the sun began to set. He forced himself to go inside clean himself up and make a small dinner, not that he was very hungry, but he knew that he had to eat. He quickly fried a small fish and sat down to enjoy it when he was distracted by a knock on his door. Frowning Bilbo walked to the door, expecting to open it and see more lies painted on the wood, though no one usually knocked when they did this. He had to repaint it just last week when someone wrote the word Murderer across it, he was shocked when he opened it to find a dwarf standing in front of him.

“Dwalin at your service.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Dwarves invade Bag End and the journey begins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mentions of self harm/ attempted suicide.

Bilbo’s heart pounded as he looked up at the dwarf that stood in front of his door. What was a dwarf doing at his door; the dwarf looked at him expectedly waiting for something. 

Dwalin cleared his throat, “You are Bilbo Baggins aren’t you?”

The hobbit nodded but didn’t move, and Dwalin could see from the hobbit’s body language that he was scared, Dwalin sighed, “And I’m guessing Gandalf didn’t tell you that we were coming?” 

The eye Dwalin could see narrowed as the hobbit suddenly turned defensive. “This is about that adventure isn’t it?!” He didn’t wait for Dwalin to answer before he shook his head, and Dwalin was fascinated by how the hair didn’t move on the hobbit’s face. “I don’t know what Gandalf told you but I’m not interested in any adventure and you can go tell him that.” He said going to close the door but stopped when he saw a flash of despair and weariness go across Dwalin’s face. He remembered words his mother had told him long ago, never turn away the weary traveler. It was enough to make him pause studying the dwarf, biting his lip nervously he opened the door wider. 

“That was rude of me, please come in I’ve got some supper you can have.”

Dwalin looked shocked but didn’t look a gift horse in the mouth and moved to step into the hobbit hole, not knowing that he was the first one to do it in nearly fifteen years. He followed the hobbit after removing his cloak to a kitchen where a plate of food was waiting. The hobbits own supper Dwalin realized before Dwalin could argue that he didn’t want to take the lads own supper there was a knock on the door making the hobbit jump looking wide eyed at Dwalin.

“That would be the door” he said. Bilbo nodded and headed towards the door praying it would be Gandalf, surprised to open it to find another dwarf standing behind it. 

“Ah, Balin at your Service” he said bowing. 

“Bilbo” returned Bilbo ushering the dwarf in. “Are there going to be many more of you coming?” he asked. 

“Yes, if you count Gandalf there will be fourteen of us in all laddie” said Balin walking away from Bilbo further into the house. Leaving Bilbo gaping in the hallway, fourteen complete strangers in his home, he felt a little faint. He tried to argue with himself that if Gandalf sent them then they wouldn’t harm him. But dwarves were bigger and stronger then him and could do anything they wanted and Bilbo couldn’t stop them. Bilbo hated being weak unable to protect himself. He jumped again when more bangs were given to his door. Opening it he was greeted by two younger dwarves.

“Fili”

“And Kili”

“At your service” they said as one as they bowed. Kili smiled wide at him. 

“You must be Master Boggins” 

Bilbo scowled, “It’s Bilbo” 

Laughing the two dwarves entered and after ladening Bilbo down with their weapons took off into the house following the noises of the other two dwarves further into the house. Bilbo carefully set the boys weapons on top of his Mother’s glory box and went to investigate what the dwarves were doing in his home. He found them moving his table around and it sunk in that Bilbo was expected to feed all these dwarves from his own pantry. 

He jumped again as there was another knock on his door, as calmly as he could he opened it watching dwarves fall on the ground in front of his feet and Gandalf smiling at him from just beyond the door. A smile that waned as he looked Bilbo in the eye. It was like he could see his fractured and battered soul with just one glance. The next few minutes were a blur of introductions and then activity.

Bilbo could only watch as the dwarves emptied his pantry, it seemed they intended to eat everything he had. He cringed at the thought of how much it would cost to replace everything with the merchants charging twice to three more times then what the goods were worth. He was unaware that many of the dwarves were watching and talking amongst themselves in their own language.

 _“Strange little fellow brother, do you think it’s a hobbit fashion to wear their hair like that?”_ asked Dwalin as he took a drink of ale looking at the hobbit that was looking at the rest of the dwarves with suspicion and apprehension, half his face was covered with blond curls that didn’t move no matter how often the hobbit turned his head from side to side. 

_“No I don’t think it is, many hobbits that we passed kept their hair back out of their face. Though it might have a special meaning, though I wonder how he sees out of it.”_ Replied Balin taking a sip. _So the Hobbit had no clue that we were coming._

Dwalin nodded, _“No, he almost shut the door on me, for some reason he decided against it, let me in and gave me his own supper._

Many dwarves who had caught these words looked amazed at Bilbo and warmed a few of them up to Bilbo

“Come laddie eat with us,” laughed Bofur slapping Bilbo on the back, puzzled as Bilbo recoiled from him.

“I’m fine Master Bofur, not really hungry” lied Bilbo, the thought of being trapped between two dwarves was enough to make Bilbo shudder. Bilbo just hung awkwardly in a small cubby watching the dwarves eat with no table manners, but it would seem he was the only one with sense as he did keep a plate back for the missing dwarf. As soon as Gandalf was done with his food he found himself being pulled away by Bilbo

“Gandalf, what are you doing here, I told you no” said Bilbo harshly. He was on edge, he had grown used to being alone, this sudden surge of people was overwhelming him.

Gandalf was saved from answering as Ori came up to Bilbo “Excuse me, but what do I do with my plate.”

Before Bilbo could grab it Fili did and proceeded to throw it to his brother, Bilbo heart leaped into his throat as he saw his Mother’s china sailing through the air. The dwarves made it worse by starting to sing ‘What Bilbo Baggins Hates.’ 

It didn’t matter that the china survived, the stress and fear had been building up in Bilbo the whole night and standing their watching the dwarves laugh after throwing his Mother’s china around snapped, he turned to Fili and drew his arm back prepared to throw a punch at the person who started it when a pounding was heard on his door.

“He is here” stated Gandalf solemnly.

Bilbo found himself trailing after Gandalf to his front door , the wizards robes hiding the dwarf from view but he did hear him say that he had lost his way multiple times. When Gandalf stood out of the way Bilbo saw him. 

He looked different than the others, short cropped beard and a regal air about him. His eyes were the bluest that he had ever seen, and as they landed on him they seemed cold as ice.

“So this is the hobbit” the dwarf said. Gandalf spoke up.

“Yes, Bilbo Baggins this is Thorin Oakenshield son of Thrain, son of Thror King Under the Mountain.”

Bilbo knew who this was and now had a good idea what this whole adventure was about, Erebor.  Thorin took off his cloak, “So tell me Master Baggins-“

“Bilbo” interrupted Bilbo ignoring the scowl he got from interrupting the King. 

“Have you did much fighting?

Bilbo crossed his own arms and stared back, “Depends on your definition”

“Ax or sword, whats your weapon choice?” asked Thorin.

“Neither” stated Bilbo, the urge to punch someone was growing.

Thorin scoffed, “Thought as much.” Thorin stalked around the hobbit taking in the small statue and the hair that covered the right side of his face, he didn’t look like a burglar or even a fighter. “Looks more like a grocer than a burglar” he said finally standing in front of the hobbit with his arms crossed. 

Bilbo clenched his jaw and lifted his hand to his face. “I don’t think a grocer would look like this” with a sweep of his hand he swept the hair from his face baring the right side of his face. A lot of the dwarves flinched back as they took in the angry scars that ran across an empty eye socket telling the dwarves that it had been removed by force. Even Gandalf looked shocked as he looked at Bilbo, the confusion and sorrow written across his face. Bilbo gave them a bitter smile, “I don’t suppose I still look like a grocer Master Oakenshield?”

Thorin didn’t say anything but turned to go into the dining room, dismissing Bilbo even more, making the hobbits anger boil over. “Master Oakenshield” he called reaching up his sleeve for a hidden dagger there, Thorin paused and turned back to the hobbit only to jump back as a knife buried itself in front of his nose quivering slightly from the force.  Many dwarves gaped at the hobbit and a few made moves to go back to the front hall to grab their weapons in case the little hobbit tried again to kill Thorin. Bilbo smiled a smile that didn’t reach his eye that remained; instead a hard coldness looked back at them. “There’s a plate for you in the kitchen.” 

The hobbit seemed to melt into the shadows as he disappeared further into his home leaving the dwarves and wizard confused. Thorin turned to glare at the wizard.

“What have you gotten us into wizard?” he demanded.

“I don’t know” murmured Gandalf, making the dwarves freeze. “There are things I hadn’t predicted when I suggested Master Baggins.” Gandalf had expected a fussy pot hobbit much like his father Bungo, but with a heart like Belladonna’s. Yet when Gandalf gazed on the hobbit he saw someone broken that never fully healed, like elves that had seen too much horror and often sailed away from the Grey Havens. It hurt Gandalf that he didn’t know what had happened to his dear friend’s son, what caused him to look at strangers with fear? But he still felt that Bilbo was the best choice for the job, he could think of no other. “But you asked me to find the fourteenth member of your Company Thorin Oakenshield and I stand by my choice of Master Baggins.”

Dwalin coughed to cover his laugh as he pulled the dagger from the wall, surprised at how deep it was sunk in the wood. “I don’t think Master Baggins agrees with Gandalf, he practically told me to tell you to go to the Maker cause he wasn’t interested in any adventure.”

Gandalf scowled, but motioned the dwarves back into the kitchen, while Dori went into the kitchen to bring out the plate Bilbo had mentioned. The Company waited until Thorin had eaten most of the food to begin asking questions.

Known of the dwarves knew Bilbo was standing outside the door listening to the dwarves talking about a quest to reclaim the Lonely Mountain from Smaug. He stilled when he heard one saying they needed a burglar, others demanding Gandalf if this is why he had brought them to the hobbits house.

“Indeed, hobbits are remarkable light on their feet and can pass unseen by most if they wish.”

Bilbo almost snorted, that was true until it was truly dangerous situation and no matter how silent hobbit were and how much you wished to be unseen there was no escaping. He forcible pulled himself away from those memories, already knowing that it would be too late he could hear the screams and laughs echoing in his ears and knew he would be having nightmares tonight. He focused back on Gandalf. “-gon wouldn’t know the scent of a hobbit.”

“But what if this hobbit isn’t a burglar and has no intention of leaving the Shire” asked Bilbo quietly stepping beside Gandalf making the dwarves jump and eye him cautiously. 

Gandalf simply smiled at him, “I believe this adventure would do you some good, and you have more to offer then you realize.”

Bilbo huffed a laugh, “I haven’t seen you since I was a faunt Gandalf, you don’t know the first thing about me. You and your companions are welcomed to my guest rooms for the night, they are down the left hallway past the living room, you will find your gear in them.”

Turning he went into the kitchen and fixed himself a cup of tea before retreating to his bedroom. Finding himself not surprised when the wizard entered without knocking. 

“Bilbo I apologize for my actions today, and you are right I haven’t been a part of your life for a long time. But I can see that you are not content with your life in the Shire, fate brought me to your doorstep this day. I know that you are meant to accompany these dwarves on their quest.”

Bilbo turned away from the wizard, “You might be right, I may not be content here, but it is here that I am staying.”

Gandalf leaned heavily on his staff, “What happened to the young hobbit lad that used to go looking for elves in the forest and came home tracking mud with tales of his adventures” asked Gandalf mournfully. 

The tea in Bilbo’s hand shook, the memories of what happened flooding back. _He lost everything that mattered to him_ he thought but didn’t say, instead he simply said. “He grew up.”

Gandalf sighed and excused himself from the room, leaving Bilbo in peace. Bilbo sighed and set aside his tea and proceeded to change into his night cloths avoiding looking in the mirror to avoid the sight of the scars that covered his body. Pausing as he heard a mournful tune begin to build in his home. Sitting on his bed he listened to the dwarves sing about their lost home, leaving behind a sense of loss that was too strong for Bilbo to control as tears streamed out of his eye. He looked down at his hands that were tan; slowly he pulled up his sleeves revealing the pale skin. He stared at his wrists. Carefully he traced the long pale scar the started at his wrist and went up his arm its twin on his other arm. He remembered the night he tried to kill himself, he had felt the loss of his parents so deeply and absolute loathing of himself that he could only think that he wanted to join them. He almost died that night but he had been found by his caretaker and saved. He never tried again after that, though he felt the same feelings many times afterward but he had promised he wouldn’t. The song reminded him of all those dark times, but it also filled him with hope. Hope for a brighter tomorrow, these dwarves were hopeful that by the end of this quest they would find a home for them and their people. With the promise of hope in the future Bilbo slept off into dreams that taunted him that there was no hope, not for him not for anyone.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------=

Thorin stood by the hearth, in the same position that he had been when he sang, silently smoking his pipe not reacting when Dwalin came to stand across him also with his pipe. They both stood quietly content, Thorin waiting for Dwalin to speak his mind.

“What do you think the hobbit did to have his eye forcible removed?” rumbled Dwalin looking at Thorin finally, “Seems strange, the tales say that hobbits barely leave this land and they are very peaceful.”

Thorin grunted, “I don’t know but it was a surprise, even Gandalf seemed surprised by it. Look at this place, the hobbit is to soft, to weak, he would never survive the trip to Erebor.”

“I don’t know, I think there is more to this hobbit then meets the eye” he said smirking slightly at the pun. Thorin shook his head.

“Night Dwalin” he said heading towards the room the hobbit had given him, he was surprised the hobbit had enough room to accommodate all of them. The hobbit was confusing to Thorin, more then he would like to admit. He lived in a peaceful land yet lost his eye and knew how to use a dagger. Yet Gandalf said that hobbits didn’t travel, did the other hobbits do this to him? Thorin shook his head, it didn’t matter the Halfling wouldn’t be coming anyway and Thorin had to focus on this quest. Thorin was entering his room when he paused, the sound of whimpering entering his ears. Thinking that it was one of the Company he followed, shocked when he arrived outside the Halfling’s door. He raised his hand to knock to see if everything was alright when he reminded himself that he shouldn’t be concerned about the hobbit. Turning slowly he walked away from the whimpering and back to his room.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------=

Bilbo woke from an unpleasant night of nightmares and flashbacks to an empty smail devoid of any living person like many other mornings. Everything  was back in their places, making it look like nobody had been there expect for a piece of paper he saw on his kitchen table. It was a contract with Thorin and Balin’s signatures were at the bottom with a pin next to an empty line. It seemed like it was someone else’s hand that reached out and read the contract before picking up the pen and signing his name at the bottom of the contract. Someone else that went around gathering supplies and putting them in his long forgotten pack. Then he back in his bedroom throwing on clean cloths and throwing more into his pack while also grabbing a few handkerchiefs and his glass eye and a few spares along with his patch. Lastly he made sure he had his daggers attached to his ankles, arms, the one behind on his neck, his thigh ones, and finally the ones he hid along his waist.

Taking a deep breath, Bilbo slipped out his back door, arguing with himself as he ran the secret paths of the Shire that kept him out of sight of most hobbits. He couldn’t believe what he was doing this, he knew the cost of adventures still carried the scars but he knew what it was like to be unwanted and the longing of a home, even when that home had been lost.  It didn’t matter if he died, what he had been doing for the past twenty years was not living, he merely been existing.  Bilbo stopped to catch his breath beside the old oak the marker for the boarder of the Shire, wondering if the dwarves had already been past this point or not. If they had he would go back to his smial, if they weren’t he would go with them. He had barely decided this when he heard a pony whinnying, looking down the road he watched as 13 dwarves and a wizard got closer and closer. On instinct he stepped further into the shadows, pulling his hood back over his hair. The dwarves were quite loud as they joked and laughed amongst themselves, as Thorin passed the oak he heard one cry out.

“Gandalf I think you owe us, we passed the borders of the Shire and your burglar hasn’t shown” he thought he recognized the voice of one of the younger dwarves Fili. Bilbo felt his lips twitch at the various voices telling other voices to pay up. Taking a deep breath he stepped out of the shadows.

“I’ve signed it” It was a funny thing to see as Fili and Kili fall off their ponies in fright while others pulled their ponies up short in surprise. Some had their mouths opened in shock as the hobbit walked over to Balin and handed him the contract. Balin took it and looked it over, finding it odd that Master Baggins had only signed his first name, but maybe it was the way of the hobbits.

“Everything seems to be in order, welcome to the Company of Thorin Oakenshield Master Baggins” Balin said smiling down at the hooded hobbit.

“Bilbo” Bilbo replied quickly “Just Bilbo, Master Balin.” Balin smiled kindly down on the hobbit though he couldn’t see his face because of the hood. Balin looked in amusement as the two princes climbed back on their ponies amongst the snickers of the others their faces flush with embarrassment. Even Thorin had a faint smile on his face, but it quickly morphed to a frown as he looked down on the hobbit.

“Fili, Kili get him on a pony” called Thorin, the brothers nodded and reached down to grab the hobbit.

Bilbo moved very quickly away from Fili and Kili’s reaching hands “I don’t need any help” he said curtly moving to the pony and mounting it quite well. Quite a few dwarves were surprised when Bilbo held the reins correctly and seemed to know exactly what to do.

“I thought hobbits didn’t ride ponies” said Nori out loud studying the hobbit.

“They don’t” stated Bilbo, but didn’t offer any more explanation. He felt the gaze of the dwarves on him many times as they rode, he ignored the rest of the subtle inquires the Company made towards him ridding in silence making sure to hide his face as they passed the occasionally hobbit on their way to Bree. 

He did notice the looks that dwarves sent to the hobbits and then to him, he could feel their unasked questions in the air. The hobbits they passed wore bright colors, pants that came mid-calf showing off curly leg hair, and short sleeves, their faces open and friendly. And here he was covered from head to toe with brown clothing with a dark green cloak covering him despite the heat, his face hidden in shadow. If it wasn’t for his feet showing in the stir-ups no one would guess that he was a hobbit. 

It was worse when they made it to Bree in late afternoon, and it was decided that they would stay and restock their supplies, and rent rooms at the Prancing Ponies. On the ground it was obvious that he was a hobbit with his short statue, whispered followed him as he walked past, his hobbit ears picking up the gossip that began to go around as other hobbits caught sight of him. It seemed like twenty years wasn’t enough for people to forget.  

Bilbo hid in his room as soon as he was able to slip away from the dwarves. He had to make a few preparations before he left the Shire. The big one was going to Tookbourgh and seeing the Thain, there was a high chance he wouldn’t be coming back from this adventure and he wanted his affairs put in order. Pulling out two pieces of parchment he began to draft a Will, listing his properties and naming his heir. It would take him about an hour to go backtrack to the Thain house but if he was quick he should be back before it was truly dark.

Sticking to the shadows he made it out of Bree without to many stares, though he didn’t notice the eyes of a dwarf with three peaks of hair following him until he was outside of Bree. Nori had seen their hobbit slip away and was very curious on why he was going back the way they came, he wondered if the hobbit had already gotten cold feet and was abandoning them.

Making his way back to the tavern he sought out their wizard. “Gandalf, do you know why our burglar would sneak his way out of Bree and head back the way we came?”

Gandalf calmly went on smoking his pipe, “I’d imagine he’s gone to see the Thain, as stated there is a high chance that this quest will not end well. Bilbo probably went to get his affairs in order. Worry not Nori Bilbo will be back before we leave tomorrow.”

Nori nodded deciding to trust the wizard and went to see what his brothers where doing. 

\------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------=

It took Bilbo a bit longer than expected to reach the smial of the Thain. Back before his father had died Bilbo used to have many fond memories of visiting here to see his Grandfather the Old Took. But these memories were overshadowed by his last memory here that made him lose any support he had in the Shire. Steeling his nerves he knocked on the red door and stood back waiting. The door was opend by his Aunt with a smile that quickly turned to a frown when she saw who it was.

“What do You want” she hissed.

“I wish to see the Thain on important business” stated Bilbo ignoring the look of mistrust that was shot his way by his Aunt.  He knew that his Aunt couldn’t refuse his request and with narrowed eyes she motioned him to follow her into the smial. She lead him to an office where the Thain was sitting behind a desk. 

The Thain looked shocked when he saw who it was that darkened his threshold, that turned to a frown. “Bilbo what brings you here?”

“I’m leaving the Shire Thain, and I don’t know if I will be coming back. I have my finances in order and all I need from you is your signature as a witness.” Bilbo said through his teeth handing over the will he had made. The Thain greedily grabbed it to read through it, his eyes narrowing in disbelief as he read further. 

“You can't be serious” he cried, “Your giving everything to a child?”

“I’m afraid that I am, if I don’t come back everything I own will go to Primula to do what she sees fit. Did you think that after everything the Tooks and Baggins did to me that I would allow any of you to have anything my parents left me! You made me one of the Nameless, you took away the names my parents gave me, never to be known as Master Baggins or Master Took just Bilbo. Bilbo the Unwanted, Bilbo the Nameless, disowning me making me an outsider. I owe you nothing.”

The Thain opened and closed his mouth a few times, his face flush with anger, but it seemed to cool down as he grabbed a quill and signed the Will as witness and put his official seal on it. “If you do not return in two years’ time I will make sure that Primula Brandybuck is informed.” Bilbo could see the calculating look the Thain was giving the Will, and Bilbo knew he was thinking on how he could get rid of it so after two years he could claim Bilbo’s properties for himself. Bilbo just smirked as he pulled out another copy of the Will. 

“If you would so kind to sign this also Thain, so I can leave this copy with you Thain, the other will go to Mrs. Brandybuck to hold until Prim is of age.” Bilbo sneered, “This will ensure that my wishes are carried out and my family’s home is not lost to greedy people like you.”

Bilbo could see the Thain was very angry at being outsmarted, the quill creaking as it gripped tightly enough to snap it in half. He tried to shove it at Bilbo when he was done, but Bilbo shook his head, “The seal, if you would please.” 

As soon as it was done Bilbo rolled up the Will into a scroll and bowed at the Thain, “Pleasure doing business with you Thain, best regards to your family, I’ll see my way out.”

Bilbo wished he could frame the look the Thain gave him as he left, after letting his family push him around for so long it felt great to get back at them. His heart felt lighter somehow as he made his way to Brandybuck Hall. Dusk was setting and fireflies had started to come out and the closer he got to the hall. He smiled as he heard a familiar voice laughing he was almost smiling a genuine smile as he excited the woods to see Prim running out in the front yard collecting fireflies in a jar.

“Hello Prim,” Bilbo said gently, not stopping the smile that spread over his face when the girls face lit up as she bounced over and hugged him.

“Cousin Bilbo, what are you doing here?” she asked as she squeezed him. Bilbo’s heart clenched as he looked down at her smoothing her hair away from her face.

“I’ve come to say good-bye Prim, I’m leaving the Shire for a while” he said gently as Prim’s face crumpled. 

“You can’t leave Cousin Bilbo” she said her bottom lip quivering and tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. Bilbo sighed and knelt in front of the little girl and gently hugging her tight against him.

“I am sorry Prim, but I can’t stay I promised to help a few friends and a Baggins never breaks his word. I have something I want to give you, but you have to give it to your Mother until you reach your majority okay sweetie” 

Prim hiccupped and nodded, and Bilbo smiled and reached into his bag and drew out the scroll and handed it to the little girl. “Now remember give that to your Mother.”

“I will Cousin Bilbo, but you’re gonna come back won’t you?”

Bilbo swallowed, “I’ll try Prim” he whispered, Prim realizing how serious Bilbo was began to cry again and hugged him tighter.

Prim pulled away suddenly and pulled something out of her pocket, “Cousin Bilbo I want you to have this so you will always remember me” offering a piece of paper. Bilbo gently took it and peered at what had been drawn on it. It was a hobbit with golden hair with a blue eye, the other was a flower and he was smiling. Written beside the picture were five words. ‘I love my Cousin Bilbo’

Bilbo felt tears running down his face as he gently put the picture in his bag before pulling Prim back into a hug. “I would never forget about you Prim, Thank-you.” Prim couldn’t help the grin that spread over her face and snuggled closer to Bilbo. The moment was broke by a sharp voice.

“Primula get away from him!” Bilbo looked up to see his Aunt Mirabella who was looking at him with fear, fear that he would hurt Prim. Bilbo gently untangled himself from Prim and backed a few steps away as Mirabella swooped in and snatched Prim from the ground and looked over her for injuries.

“Are you alright Primula! Did he hurt you?!” she demanded eyeing the red eyes and tear tracks on her faunts face.

Prim looked up at her confused, “I’m fine Mommy, I was just talking to Cousin Bilbo, he was telling me good-bye he’s leaving the Shire Mommy and wanted me to give you this. He said that it was for me, but I couldn’t have it until I was all grown up.”

Mirabella eyed the scroll her daughter had thrust under her nose, taking it she broke the seal and looked at the contents within, her eyes growing wide as she read what was in it. She looked up to where Bilbo was standing and found the space empty as he had slipped away as she had read. Prim looked at her mom worriedly as she rubbed at her eyes for a moment before she picked Prim up and left for the house. Prim hugged her mom’s neck and looked back and was surprised to see Bilbo again watching them leave. Prim raised her hand and waved at him until he was out of sight.

Bilbo rubbed his check furiously as he made the trek back to Bree, despite what he promised Prim this would be the last time he could see her. For her sake, she needed to understand that he had been disowned, he wasn’t her cousin anymore and she was getting to old soon she would be getting the cold shoulder from other hobbits because she associated with him and he couldn’t allow sweet Prim to end up like him. She would understand when she got older. The bit of his heart that had healed because of his small cousin broke again leaving him more broken and hollow as he made his way back to Bree as thunder rumbled in the distance.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------=

Balin stayed up longer than all of his companions enjoying the warm atmosphere of the inn, he took his time with his ale enjoying it as he smoked some of the Hobbits fine pipe weed that he had purchased. The inn was unique, the area separated so that any size of man, elf, dwarf, or hobbit had a place to sit that was the perfect height. His attention was caught as the group of Halflings that had been loud for most of the night suddenly grew quiet. He couldn’t help but listen to what was being said.

“Aye that was him, he hasn’t been seen outside of Hobbitton since that day he came back without his mother. Refused to tell the Thain what happened to her” one hobbit said.

Another perked up, “I heard from my cousin in Hobbitton that he killed his mother. That’s why both sides of the family disowned him.” The third shook his head.

“I heard that he sold his Mother to men slavers and they took his eye when they realized he sold them his own mother.”

Balin almost spilt his ale as he listened to the hobbits realizing that they were talking about Bilbo.

“Everybody in the Shire ought to be glad that he’s leaving they’ve been at it for years, my sister will be sleeping easier now that he’s gone won't have to worry so much about her faunts when their outside playing.”

The first spoke up again, “Despite the stories I think he’s pretty harmless, since he’s been back no faunts have been stole and no hobbits murdered in their beds, keeps to himself mostly.”

Before any could answer the door flew open with a bang, bringing the smell of rain rushing into the inn. As everyone turned to look at the person coming in a flash of lightening filled the air illuminating the figure in shadows. The hobbits next to him seemed to tremble in fear as the figure shut the door and stepped into the light revealing Bilbo Baggins, the wind from the storm had blown the hood down and the hair away from his face and his scars could be seen from under the eye patch. Bilbo’s eye roamed the room and Balin noticed how they landed on the group of hobbits that quickly turned away from him. There was a look of resignation on Bilbo’s face at this reaction; he didn’t seem to notice Balin was also in the room as he turned away heading towards the rooms the Company had rented for the night. 

Balin returned to his ale, there was more to Master Baggins then the rest of the Company realized. There was a mystery around Bilbo Baggins, something that surrounded the disappearance of his Mother that not even Gandalf knew about, Balin remembering Gandalf’s face when Bilbo had first shown his entire face to the Company after Thorin had insulted him. 

As Balin made his way to where he was sharing a room with his brother, he made a note to keep an eye on Bilbo.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Members of the Company began to see that Bilbo is anything but an ordinary hobbit.

Bilbo didn’t sleep that night knowing he was so close to Men; every time he tried he felt them, the hands that held him down, their laughter sounding in his ears, and the phantom pain from his eye. Bilbo wished that he had never left his hobbit hole as he huddled in a corner of the room shaking from the force of memories of that night, it was burned in his memory every little detail no matter what he tried he could never get rid of them. 

He was so jumpy that a sudden knock at the door had him grabbing one of his daggers prepared for anything. “Master Hobbit it’s time to get up” came the voice of one of the dwarves. He barely kept his voice from shaking as he answered back. His limbs felt heavy as he stood up, occasionally twitching from his high strung nerves as he washed his face with cold water to chase away the exhaustion.

Giving the room one last look around he silently slipped out and down the hall to the dining room where he saw the last of the dwarves walk out the door. Ignoring the whispers that followed him he quickly made his way out discovering he was the last one there. 

The dwarves stared at their burglar, in the morning light he looked awful, a dark bag under his eye made it appear that it was bruised, standing out clearly against his pale face. But as soon as he caught them staring he pulled the hood back over his head once again casting it into shadow. 

His sharp ears picked up Thorin murmuring to Dwalin, “I imagine the beds weren’t to his liking, weren’t probably soft enough.”

Bilbo was glad his face was covered in shadow as his face grew red. It would seem he was still thought of as soft, never wanting anything in his life. He wanted to yell at the dwarves demand to know what right they had to judge him. He wanted to ask Thorin if he had ever spent an entire night reliving the worst day in his life, when he lost everything that mattered, but that would lead to questions, questions he had no desire to answer. So he stayed his tongue and just meekly followed the dwarves to the stables where the ponies had been placed. 

He headed straight to his pony and began to saddle her.

“Do you need some help saddling up Master Bilbo” asked Kili. Bilbo didn’t bother to turn around as he continued to work.

“It’s Bilbo, and I think that I can manage” he said more shortly then he meant to, but his blood was still hot from what Thorin had said. The young dwarf hesitated before leaving to attend his own pony. He ignored the glares the older brother gave him for being rude to his brother but Bilbo just focused on cinching the saddle making sure that it was tight enough.

He wasn’t surprised of the cold shoulder the dwarves gave him as they went outside; he knew that he made a mistake of disrespecting the youngest heir to the dwarf kingdom. But sadly this didn’t upset him, it was normal behavior for people that came around him. Bilbo allowed the dwarves to lead the way out of Bree bringing up the rear, so none noticed the group of hobbits that threw an overripe tomato at Bilbo as they left or so he thought.

 Nori narrowed his eyes at their burglar as he wiped the fruit off his cloak; his shoulder hunched looking resigned like it was a normal occurrence. If it was one of the dwarves that this happened to the hobbit would have found an axe at their throat. Yet this hobbit didn’t say anything, made no acknowledgment that anything had happened. He was glad that Gandalf was right, that the hobbit didn’t abandon them the night before. Though he wondered how long his business took, he looked like shit and a little twitchy. He expected that the burglar didn’t mean to be short with young Kili, Thorin wasn’t as quiet as he thought he was everybody in the Company heard the comment he made to Dwalin. Nori wasn’t surprised Bilbo was angry and took some of it on Kili. This hobbit wasn’t like the others; he dressed differently, could handle a pony, and had a few hidden daggers up his sleeves. Thorin was probably lucky he didn’t get another dagger in his face. No, this hobbit had a past, and Nori had a feeling that it revolved around his eye, an eye that was forcibly removed. Nori knew that he would be keeping an eye on their hobbit. 

The day of travel was very dull, and Bilbo hung back from the dwarves making no effort to start a conversation which seemed okay to the dwarves as they talked amongst themselves in their own language ignoring the hobbit all together. Gandalf tried to talk to the hobbit many times that day but Bilbo wouldn’t speak, just nodding and shaking his head to Gandalf’s question and refusing to say anything else. After each failed attempt Gandalf would sigh and head back further up the line. Bilbo hated what he was doing but to open up to these people would make him vulnerable and it would lead to hurt. But he was hired to do a job and that was it, there was nothing in the contract that said he had to befriend these dwarves or trust them. The other problem was he didn’t know how to talk to these dwarves, twenty years without having a normal conversation made it difficult for Bilbo. 

They stopped in another village again that night, this one was smaller than Bree and didn’t have accommodations for dwarves and hobbits and they had to make do with men size fixtures. They shared rooms that night much to Bilbo’s distress. He was paired with Bifur, and it was the first time Bilbo noticed the axe that was protruding from his head. Bofur caught him staring and explained in a cheery voice. 

“Bifur got the ax after a battle with Orcs, healers said he was lucky he survived it.”

Bilbo felt weird sharing a room with a dwarf that couldn’t speak Common Tongue, though Bilbo could tell just by looking the dwarf in the eye that this dwarf was anything but stupid. He could feel his gaze as he moved around the room. The eyes that took in every flinch and twitch that ran through his body when the loud voices of men echoed in the inn. Bilbo hated it; in Bree he was by himself and didn’t have to worry about his reactions being seen now he felt like everything he was doing was being analyzed. 

Bifur watched the hobbit, noting how afraid he was every time the sound of the men downstairs drifted up. This wasn’t just some little fear; this was full blown terror as if he expected a man to come bursting into the room with them. The hobbit made no move to get ready for bed the only article of clothing he had removed was the cloak, in fact he seemed to be avoiding the bed as much as possible. The bed was a man-made bed and was big enough for the two of them but when Bifur patted the bed motioning for the hobbit to make himself comfortable he shook his head and backed away from the dwarf and sinking down in the furthest corner away from the door. Bifur let the hobbit be, and soon fell asleep. 

Bilbo settled in for a second night of no sleep, but the day of traveling soon caught up with him and soon he was dozing and with it his nightmares. Bifur was sleeping peacefully when a scream shattered his dreams, setting up disoriented he turned to the corner Bilbo had curled up in. Another scream echoed in the room and it had Bifur scrambling out of the bed and over to the hobbit who was trapped in a nightmare. Grasping the hobbit by the shoulder he began to shake him awake. Bifur wasn’t expecting the hobbit to snap awake and punch the dwarf in the face while trying to scramble away. The blow didn’t hurt Bifur, the hobbit having nowhere near the strength of a dwarf. He backed away from the hobbit knowing that space was what that he needed; instead he headed towards the door fully expecting the knocking that came just seconds later. Opening it he found the worried face of his cousin looking back at him.

“Everything alright Bifur, I heard screaming”

“ _Everything is fine cousin, just a night terror”_ answered Bifur not saying who had the terrors, letting Bofur draw his own conclusions. Bofur eyed him taking in the details, Bifur imagined he looked like he had been the one with the terror, since Bilbo screaming had jerked him awake.

“Alright, hope you didn’t scare the hobbit to death, Thorin would probably jump for joy but I think Gandalf would be angry” laughed Bofur smiling before making his way back to his room. Bifur gently closed the door and turned back to Bilbo. The hobbit had his head on his knees, his body trembling as silent sobs rocked through his frame. Glancing around Bifur grabbed the cloak Bilbo had laid over a chair and walked over to the hobbit and draped it across his thin shoulders. Bilbo jerked away from the contact and looked around wildly until his gaze landed on Bifur. A look of horror and then shame flashed across his face before he started to turn away, clearly ashamed about Bifur seeing his moment of weakness, something Bifur was familiar with having been on that end many times while he was recovering from the ax wound.

Patting Bilbo on the shoulder, he gently smiled at the hobbit and motioned out the door and made a talking gesture with his head and shaking his head, trying to tell the hobbit that he wasn’t going to tell the rest of the Company. Bilbo eye widened.

“You won't tell the other” he asked, his voice sounding quite young. Bifur nodded and Bilbo relaxed slightly and gave Bifur an appreciative look.

“Thanks for waking me up, sorry for hitting you.” Bifur again nodded and squeezed his shoulder before standing up and going back to bed letting Bilbo gather himself in peace. Bilbo eventually calmed down as Bifur’s snores started again, the sound somehow soothing his frazzled nerves. Needless to say he didn’t get any more sleep that night and was quite relieved to start off the next morning.  He was also happy in the knowledge that this was the last village they would be staying in if they kept the pace they were using yesterday, remembering that from his traveling days. He skipped breakfast and went to stand outside, turning slightly when he heard someone behind him, turning he saw Thorin his scowl seemed to grow darker as he noticed the hobbit. It was unfortunate for Bilbo to be where he was, Thorin had just paid there bill, the inn keeper had just charged them twice then what he quoted the night before, to say Thorin was mad was an understatement, and now he had come upon Bilbo a member of the Company he didn’t want, who had been disrespectful to his nephew and all together was unprepared for the journey ahead. Thorin could hear his whining already, complaining about the food, the hard ground and Thorin decided to nip it in the bud before it could get started.

“Get your fill Halfling, it will be awhile before we have such comforts again and I will have no complaining out of you” sneered Thorin. 

Bilbo whirled around his cloak whipping around him. “I am half of nothing, Thorin Oakenshield you best remember that. And despite what you may think I am not soft and I don’t need to be patronized by you.” 

Thorin growled, “You insolent little thing I am-“

“You are nothing but an insufferable dwarf, you assume you know me but I can assure you that you don’t know anything. If you think that you can belittle me, and expect me to take it on the chin you are very mistaken. You might be a king, but you are not my king” with that Bilbo turned on his heel and marched to the stables leaving a stunned King Under the Mountain. 

In truth Thorin did expect the hobbit to take it, thinking that he had no spine. He didn’t expect the hobbit to yell back at him much less insult him, despite himself he could feel a small measure of respect for the hobbit take root. He was still standing there when the rest of the Company exited the inn. 

“Uncle Thorin are you alright?” asked Kili looking at his Uncle worriedly. 

Thorin shook himself out of his shock and looked at his sister-son. “I am fine.”

As they traveled Bilbo took his regular spot at the back of the Company, unaware that he was the subject of much talk as other members of the Company asked him what it was like sharing a room with him.

“ _Did he demand the bed all to himself?”_ asked Fili smirking. 

_“I bet he did, the way he acts we might as well be dirt beneath his feet”_ grumbled Gloin throwing the hobbit a dirty look. 

Bifur stopped himself from growling, “ _The hobbit was very respectful, he didn’t stare at me like I was a freak, he made no demands when we shared a room. I slept on the bed and he didn’t get angry when night terrors struck. As for the way he acts, he’s clearly being cautious. He doesn’t know us and therefore doesn’t trust us; he’s acting just like we are acting. Why should he be respectful to us when we don’t show him the same curtsy?”_ demanded Bifur, making his fellow dwarves look at the ground. “ _If he thought we were truly beneath him Gloin, I doubt he would have bothered to come with us or even let us in his home.”_

Bifur words struck home at how the dwarves were treating their burglar. They were treating him like the elves treated dwarves. No one saw Gandalf smile around his pipe, he hoped the dwarves would open up to the hobbit, something that was clear to Gandalf that Bilbo desperately needed. 

\--=--=------------------=-------------------------------=

Bilbo tiredly set his pack as far away from the dwarves as was possible, while also in a position that he didn’t have to worry about protecting his back. Some of the older dwarves raised their eyebrows at that, before passing it off as a fluke, the hobbit wouldn’t know that that was the best defensible position. Bilbo ignored them feeling weary; tucking his hair behind his ears he removed the eye patch and scrubbed at his face, his hands catching over the scars he was so exhausted. Feeling eyes on him he looked up to see Thorin staring at him his expression unreadable. Scowling at the dwarf he flatted his hair back in place and turned his back to the king while fishing out his pipe while he waited for the meal to be cooked, he was still angry at what the dwarf said to him. Already he had heard complaints from how many of the dwarves about their travels, so in Bilbo’s eyes Thorin was a giant hypocrite.  Soon the fragrance of Old Toby filled the air and calmed the flustered hobbit down. 

As Bilbo smoked his pipe he reached into the pack and drew out Prim’s drawling, a slight smile appearing on his face as he traced the letters that spelled out love. To a pair of dwarven princes, the sight of their burglar smiling for the first time since they had met him was far too curious to be left alone. Sneaking as quietly as they could, Kili and Fili grabbed the piece of paper before Bilbo could stop them. 

“Whats this Bilbo?” asked Kili playfully staring at the drawling. 

“Looks like a note from his lass” said Fili grabbing the paper and waggling his eyebrows as he sidestepped Bilbo as he tried to take back the piece of paper. 

“It can't be Fee, it says ‘I love my Cousin Bilbo’” Kili said reaching for the paper, only to miss it when Fili left it go early. Bilbo watched hopelessly as the paper floated into the fire. All the dwarves that had been watching the scene froze at the look of soul crushing pain that flashed across his before it went to a blank face.

Meanwhile Fili and Kili looked horrified; “We’re so sorry Master Baggins-” they began but stopped when Bilbo raised a hand. Without looking at any of them he turned and walked off into the forest melting like a ghost into the shadows.

Thorin glared at his nephews, “Fili, Kili come here” he growled lowly making the two brothers flinch as they followed their Uncle’s order. Thorin’s icy blue eyes bored into there’s making them look away in shame as he heaved a sigh of disappointment. “Explain yourselves.”

“We didn’t mean to Uncle it was an accident” said Kili softly looking down at his feet. 

“We were only teasing him, trying to drawl him into the group Uncle, he doesn’t speak to any of us not even Gandalf. We thought some good natured teasing might loosen him up we never meant to destroy anything” finished Fili. “We just wanted to see what was making him smile.”

“And in doing so you destroyed what probably was a prized procession much like Gloin’s portraits or your Mother’s hair beads, something to take comfort in during this quest. Do either of you think before you act! You both will apologize to Master Baggins, and both of you will be taking care of the ponies from here on out while also taking the second shift during watch. I expect for no repeats of this behavior in the future. Am I understood?” 

Fili and Kili nodded, “Yes Sir” they said quietly. 

Thorin nodded, “Good get something to eat and get some sleep you will be starting second shift tonight.”

They did as they were told, getting a bowl of stew from Bombur they settled on their bedrolls and ate, eyes peeled to the forest to watch for Bilbo’s return so that they could apologize. 

\---=---=---------=

Bilbo waited until he was far from the Company before sagging to the ground against a tree, silent sobs shaking through his chest. He wanted to curse the two young dwarves that were the cause of this, but he knew that they hadn’t meant to cause harm. He had observed them enough in the past few days to know that they often caused trouble small tiny pranks that never caused harm. He furiously rubbed his eye scowling at the tears. It was just a picture he tried to tell himself, just a piece of paper he shouldn’t get this upset. He sat on the ground for how long trying to convince himself that it didn’t matter, it wasn’t until the moon began to set that he returned back to the camp finding most of the dwarves asleep. Except for the two young dwarves that perked up as they saw the hobbit emerge from the forest. 

Fili and Kili watched the hobbit make his way to his bedroll, taking in the red rim eyes and their guilty feelings doubled. He fell more then sat on his bedroll suddenly looking beyond exhausted, he didn’t even look at the bowl of stew that was sitting next his pack. For a moment he looked as old as Thorin, with the weight of the world of his shoulder, despair wrapped around him like a cloak. Looking at each other, they silently decided to apologize in the morning letting the hobbit rest. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you like!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fili and Kili try to apologize, and Bilbo's visits a part of his past.

Bilbo was grateful the next morning to have slept through the night without a nightmare haunting him. His head felt clearer then it had in days, and the headache that came from no sleep in practically two days had also disappeared. Though he still felt emotionally wrung out from the night before, and he was glad as he glanced around that the two Princes were nowhere near him. Ignoring the dwarves around him he began to pack up his bedroll ignoring the rumbling of his stomach, it was no hardship for him miss a few meals he hadn’t eaten like a regular hobbit for a while. That didn’t mean that he didn’t appreciate it when a bowl of porridge was placed in his hands by Bombur and rewarded the cook with a tiny smile.

Eating it while it was hot he steadily ignored Fili and Kili as they tried to get his attention. He kept ignoring them as he placed his cloak around him and headed towards his pony with the pack on his shoulder. It was useless as both boys followed after him, they waited until he finished saddling Myrtle before they tried to speak.

“Master Baggins” began Fili to be interrupted.

“It’s Bilbo, just Bilbo, get it through your thick skull” snarled Bilbo turning to glare at the young dwarfs, his grief over the lost picture now turned to rage. He didn’t want their apologizes didn’t want to look at them, he just wanted to be left alone.

“Bilbo, we didn’t mean to” tried Kili.

“Just leave me be, no pretty words will make what you did better” said Bilbo lowly, “You single handedly destroyed the last thing my only loved one gave and it can never be replaced.”

Kili felt tears well up in his eyes, as Bilbo refused to look at them, he didn’t think that he could feel any worse than last night. But to hear that the picture actually meant to Bilbo made the dwarf feel lower than dirt, Fili put a steadying hand on his brother’s shoulder and gently began to pull him away from the hobbit. He couldn’t help the loud sniff that escaped him as they made their way back to their packs, neither noticing Gandalf leaning against a tree.

“Bilbo” he called to the hobbit, “May I speak to you.”

Gandalf lead the hobbit a little ways away from the Company before turning to him. “Bilbo I think you were too hard on Fili and Kili, both are young I’m sure that they didn’t mean to do what they did.”

“So just because there young means that they can get away with what they did” shot back Bilbo.

“Fili and Kili were just being boys, they meant no harm” said Gandalf trying to placate the hobbit, not knowing he was just making the situation worse.

“I see” Bilbo said, his face cold as any sign of emotion were wiped from his person, “I will remember that next time, maybe they can set my whole pack on fire, not that it matters since they destroyed the only thing I had left of my family.”

Gandalf looked like he had been struck hard by the hobbits words. “Bilbo what do you mean, you have Bag End, relations in the Shire.”

“Things have changed Gandalf, I have no Family left and as soon as I set foot out of the Shire I forfeited any right to return, I will never set foot in the Shire again whether this quest is a success or not.”

Turning away from Gandalf he was startled to see Thorin standing behind him looking shocked. Huffing at one more person learning a piece of his life he pulled his hood low over his face and walked to his pony, the dwarves parting for him like water.

Bilbo once again found himself at the back of the parade, and he felt to gape between him and the dwarves getting bigger. A part of him was saddened at this fact, but the major part of him was glad if he kept the dwarves at arm length than he wouldn’t get further hurt. With this in mind he was shocked when Bifur dropped back to ride beside him. It was nice, Bifur didn’t try to make small talk just rode beside Bilbo in comfortable silence. When his cousins called for him he smiled at the hobbit and patted him on the back before riding up to talk to him.

The day was hot and only got hotter as they continued to travel. Right and left the dwarves started to strip out of their layers. Often taking all their clothes except for their armor off, yet again Bilbo stood apart from the dwarves as he refused to take off a single piece of clothing.

“Are you not hot laddie?” asked Balin having stripped down to a single tunic with short sleeves, Fili and Kili had no shame and were riding shirtless.

Bilbo shook his head at the older dwarf. “I am fine Master Balin” answered Bilbo politely, glad that his face was covered in shadow and the dwarf couldn’t see the sweat that as running down his face. He felt grimy, his cloths sticking against his skin. He wished for the moment that he was back in Bag End and his nice tub.

Balin hummed, “You know laddie, you have the right to be angry at the princes, they often don’t think before they act. I’m not saying that you have to forgive them, but I do want you to know that they are sincerely sorry for their actions last night.”

Bilbo sighed, his finger toying with the reins. “I know that Master Balin, I can tell that there good boys deep down and what they did was an accident. But what they destroyed was beyond precious and I find that I can't forgive them just like that no matter how bad they feel.”

Balin nodded, “That is you’re right and if anybody tries to pressure you to forgiving them you just remember. Dwarves are stubborn creatures and we can hold grudges for decades, so just remember that.”

Bilbo inclined his head, “Thank-you Master Balin.”

For the rest of the day the dwarves left Bilbo alone for the most part, he had given them much to think about.

 _“I don’t understand Balin, why would he follow us if he knew that he could never return home?”_ asked Thorin, eyes darting back to the hobbit.

Balin looked to the sky deep in thought, “ _I don’t have an answer for you Thorin, and it is clear that the only one who does in Master Bilbo, and I doubt we will be getting any from him anytime soon. Something happened to him Thorin, he’s not the soft creature we continue to expect from him. Most of his kind have never become proficient in weapons, yet he threw that dagger without hesitation that first night. Hobbits have no use for riding a pony, yet it is clear Bilbo knows exactly what he is doing both in regards of handling it and taking care of it. Most of all Hobbits don’t have battle scars, yet Master Bilbo face says otherwise. I heard a rumor in Bree that our burglar had left the Shire once before and from what I can deduce all the signs point to the fact that this is not our burglar’s first adventure.”_

The next few days of traveling Thorin found truth is Balin’s words. The hobbit knew what he should and shouldn’t do. He could light a fire without a tinderbox, had no trouble in skinning a pair of rabbits that were caught, and always fell asleep in a defensible position though far from the warmth of the fire and the Company. He knew his men were at a loss on how to befriend the hobbit, he made Thorin’s social skills seem quite impeccable compared to his. Though he would almost bet that the hobbit was doing some of it on purpose, he seemed adamant that he was left alone. The only one that had any type of progress was Bifur of all people; somehow it seemed that he had gotten a piece of the hobbits trust though how he refused to say. To the other’s Bilbo actions clearly told them that he didn’t trust them. Ever since the incident with the boys, Bilbo refused to be parted with his pack, he carried it with him always. After being served supper he would wait until someone else took a bit before he did, if some saddled his pony for him he wouldn’t get on until he checked over it himself. What Thorin hated the most was the cloak he wore, Bilbo only took it off to sleep at night otherwise it covered his shoulders with his face shadowed in the hood that was always left up. Another thing the hobbit was adamant about, being fully clothed, not one spec of skin was showed except for his hands and feet, he wore his cloths like armor, and Thorin was fairly certain that Bilbo had more knives hidden on his person then what even Nori had.

What unnerved Thorin the most was how silent the hobbit was, even when he was angry he didn’t get loud. Gandalf was not joking when he said that hobbits were light on their feet, he had seen Bilbo step on a twig but it didn’t even snap, he glided like a ghost around the campsite. He seemed content to spend the whole day without uttering a single word, something that he had learned from Gandalf was unusual. Hobbits he said thrived on food, company, and a warm hearth. Yet Master Bilbo didn’t seem to enjoy eating and compared to other hobbits they had seen was as thin as a rail, he also willingly left his home knowing that he would return. All in all the hobbit was nothing but a walking contradiction and Thorin couldn’t help but feel drawn to their strange little burglar.

Bilbo was a bit unnerved, ever since the day that he had his argument with Gandalf he felt the eyes of Thorin Oakenshield watching him many times during the day. It didn’t help his sense of dread that had begun to build in him ever since the moment he had woke up. Maybe it was from the fact he hadn’t had a nightmare in almost a week, all he knew was that he felt that something was going to happen that day. He made sure that he kept his eye pealed to his surroundings as they rode, his fingers constantly straying to a daggers in his sleeves and around his waist convinced that they were going to be attacked. It wasn’t until he started recognizing pieces of landscape that he realized where he was and his insides froze as Myrtle topped a hill and Bilbo was looking at a place he never wished to see again, the scene that was constant in his nightmares. Not caring about the Company he broke the formation and trotted to the spot.

He slipping out of the saddle pushing the hood off his face, the rest of the world faded into the background. The spot hadn’t really changed that much in twenty years, the tree stood tall with a few wild flowers growing near. He took tiny steps, eyes gazing at the place they had put their fire for the night, were they had placed their bed rolls and finally at the spot that shattered his entire world. He sank down on his knees, his cloak billowing out around him. The world seemed to grow colder and silent around him, as if it knew the sorrow that this place held. A half sob escaped his throat as a shaking hand reached out and reverently touched the ground underneath it. He never thought he would ever see this place, a place he was transported to every time he had a nightmare. It was the last place his Mother was alive, the last place he had truly smiled, and the place he had lost his innocence. The grief he never let go came boiling to the surface; tears began to fall fast and heavy down his face.

The Company had stopped when their burglar had broke out of their column and ignore the orders for him to come back. They watched as he dismounted, and before Thorin could yell at him to get on his pony he had sunk down on his knees and they all heard the sob and watched him gently touch to ground in front of him. It shocked the entire Company to hear their burglar break down, it made them feel like they were prying into a very private moment and many adverted their eyes from the sight. Unknown words in a language that none in the Company knew fell from Bilbo’s mouth. It was a prayer to Yavanna, the Creator of the Hobbits. Bilbo prayed that his Mother had been allowed in the ever green fields of their Creator and reunited with Bungo.

Gandalf jolted on his horse, when Bilbo began to sing a Hobbit mourning song.

_Home is behind, the world ahead_

_And there are many paths to tread_

_Through shadow, to the edge of night_

_Until the stars are all alight_

_Mist and shadow_

_Cloud and shade_

_Alll shall Fade_

_All shall fade_

A shiver ran through the group by the end, the words haunting and sorrowful. They knew something had happened in this spot.

Thorin shifted in his saddle, that small sound was enough to snap Bilbo back into the present and aware that he had an audience. Shame and anger filled him as he realized that everyone had seen his moment of grief and mourning. He quickly scrubbed his face of the tears and drew back his hood over his curls. He kept his eyes on the ground as he quickly walked back to Myrtle, he could feel fourteen pairs of eyes on him. He was never so much grateful for the dwarf king when he broke the awkward silence.

“Alright let’s move out” he ordered. Prodding his pony Minty he turned away from the spot. The others followed more reluctantly until only Bilbo was left, not quite ready to leave yet. His soul felt lighter for saying good-bye to this place, this place would no longer haunt him. Bilbo looked back on the spot on last time, a whisper of a wind flew out and brushed against his check feeling like a final touch from his Mother. He could hear her laughter in the wind, another song filled his mind one that he had heard long ago, among the golden halls of the horse lords.

_Bealocwealm hafað fréone frecan forth onsended_   
_giedd sculon singan gléomenn sorgiende_   
_on Meduselde thæt he ma no wære_   
_his dryhtne dyrest and maga deorost bealo_

It was only then that he allowed Myrtle to turn to follow the line of dwarf ponies, not once did he turn to look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The second song is from the Two Towers extended edition, the song Eowyn sang during the burial of her cousin. Hoped you liked his chapter!


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions, nightmares, confrontation.

Bilbo was even more distant the rest of the day than he had the entire quest, his pony trailing the dwarves with ten feet between them. If Gandalf even made one move to go to talk to him, Bilbo let his pony slow down even further. It wasn’t until evening that Bilbo allowed himself to come into close contact with the dwarves again. The dwarves made sure to keep a good distance between themselves and the hobbit, respecting his wishes to be left alone. All except for Ori who cautiously approached the hobbit once supper had been given out and consumed.

“Master Bilbo might I ask you a question?” asked Ori hesitantly stopping next to the hobbit’s bedroll that was once away as far away as he could get from the dwarves while still being in a defensible position.

Bilbo gently took the pipe from between his teeth. “What is it that you would like to know?” asked Bilbo evenly his tone cautious. Ori bit his bottom lip clearly nervous.

“Back under the tree, what language were you speaking?” he asked softly, the young dwarf knowing he was stepping into dangerous territory but his curiosity had been peaked and he decided out of all the questions he had over the episode that this would be the safest.

Bilbo debated for a second if he should answer it or simple walk away ignoring the lad, but looking into the doe eyes the boy had, that yet held so much innocence and lacked the shadows the world would someday put there, along with the look of curiosity that came with a thirst for new knowledge.  He remembered a time that he could look in the mirror and the same eyes would look back at him. Tearing his eye away from Ori’s he looked into the shadows surrounding camp. “It was Hobbitish.”

Ori quickly took out his journal and wrote down the new information missing the look of amusement that crossed Bilbo’s face before it went back to its blank mask. “I didn’t know that Hobbits had their own language, I thought you only spoke Western.”

Bilbo snorted, “Why shouldn’t Hobbits have their own language, the Men have Western, the Elves Sindirian, you dwarves have Khuzdul, but yet you expect my race to only copy that of another race?”

Ori tried to backpedal realizing he had offended the hobbit, "I’m sorry Master Bilbo if I have offended you, I just meant that in what little is written about hobbits nowhere does it mention that you have your own language.”

Bilbo sighed, “No offense taken Master Ori, I should have realized what you meant. Many aspects of my culture are unknown to outsiders” he laughed bitterly, “Though that is our own fault, refusing to leave the Shire as we do.”

Ori fiddled with his quill for the moment working up his courage, “Could you…could you tell me more about your culture?” he asked quietly.

“What do you want to know?” Bilbo replied, a soft look in his eye deciding to indulge the young scholar that reminded him so much of himself back before the world hardened him.

Soon Ori was having the first real conversation with Bilbo since they had started out on this quest. Ori learned many things about hobbits. That they came to age when they were 33, their houses were called smials, generally had large families, and ate seven meals a day. He also learned that if he tried to ask a personal question Bilbo generally ignored him and changed the topic, the only thing personal Ori got from him was that he was 38 himself. This shocked Ori, if he was a dwarf he would only be a year or two older than Kili!

A thought entered his mind, languages were given to people by their creators, “Who is the hobbits creator, the dwarves were made by Mahal and the elves by Illuvatar.”

Bilbo hummed, “Yavanna is the creator of the race of hobbits.”

Ori looked shocked, “Yavanna? The wife of Mahal, I never heard that she was the creator of a race.” Ori became even more shocked when Bilbo slightly smirked at him. His face changed when he smiled, he looked years younger.

“That is because no one was supposed to know. We were hid away so that we would be protected from the evil of the Melkor before it could touch us unlike the rest of the races. Orcs were once elves as you know, before they were twisted with evil and the races of men and dwarves are often found prey to power and greed.” Bilbo’s face darkened, “In the Shire we are safe and only a few of us who dare wonder out are ever exposed to evil, and one reason why it is discouraged for hobbits to leave and mix with outsiders. Those that defy this unspoken rule, are often looked down by other hobbits but otherwise treated the same. But those that encounter evil and survive that encounter are often osticised from their brethren, who could never understand the horror the we lived through and are shunned.”

Bilbo stopped abruptly, realizing he had said more than he had meant too to the younger dwarf. He hurriedly stood and walked away from Ori, disappearing into the shadows. Ori eyed the retreating form sadly, he had struck a nerve in his questioning, gotten Bilbo to talk a bit of his past. Ori looked around relieved to see that none of the other dwarves had seemed to have overheard their conversation. Ori thought back to the hobbits hole, how empty it was, how dark it was compared to the other cheery holes in the hills that echoed with talk and laughter. Ori could know see why Bilbo held himself back, he was afraid of being cast out, expecting them to be like hobbits, that if they ever learned what happened to Bilbo he would be turned away. Because you would have to be blind to the pure longing that filled Bilbo’s eye as he sat away from the group and smoked his pipe every evening, a longing to belong.

Sighing he stood and made his way back to his bedroll between his two brother, stopping short at the sound of cries that filled the air.

“What was that!” demanded Ori in a whisper to Kili and Fili, the two were the closest.

“Orcs” whispered Kili, as he caught his brother’s eye, deciding to have a bit of fun. Ori had been sheltered in the mountain for most of his life and had never come in contact with any.

“Orcs” squeaked Ori, his eyes darting towards Dori and Nori despite himself, none saw the shadows move closer to the two Durins, and Thorin jerking awake as the screams sounded again.

“Throat cutters. There’d be dozens of them out there. The low lands are crawling with them.”

“They strike, in the wee small hours, when everyone’s asleep. Quick and quiet, no screams, just lots of blood” whispered Kili.  Smirking and chuckling with Fili as they saw Ori shiver in fear.

Bilbo didn’t resist as he stepped from the shadows and smacked Kili and Fili upside the head as hard as he could for trying to scare Ori. The smacks were very loud in the quiet camp, followed by the cries of the two brothers. The two turned and looked shocked at Bilbo as they rubbed their heads, as did most of the Company. “What the hell Bilbo-“ began Fili rubbing his head but stopped at the cool glare Bilbo was giving them.

“You think it is funny to joke about people getting murdered in the night?” he asked in a low voice. “Do you think the people whose throats get cut and bleed to death are laughing at their misfortune? Have you two got no shame?”

“We were just messing with Ori,” muttered Kili looking down at the ground properly scolded.

Before Bilbo could say anything Thorin cut in, “You think an Orc pack is something to joke about. You know nothing about the world” he said harshly to his nephews, Bilbo couldn’t help but agree with him. Bilbo only listened with half an ear as Balin began to recount the Battle of Azanulbizar while the hobbit walked to Ori, guiding the still slightly scared Ori to his bedroll. He moved to go back to his own when Balin finished the story.

 **“** Azog the Defiler learned that day, that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken. Thorin rallies his army of dwarves and they continue their battle with the rest of the orcs. Our forces rallied, and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated, but there was no feast, nor song that night for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few, had survived. And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow, there is one I could call king” Balin said revently, his eyes turning to look at Thorn who was still looking off into the distance. The King turned around to face the camp, as the whole looked at him in awe.

Bilbo wondered if Thorin felt as lost as he did, watching his loved ones die around him but unable to do anything. His thoughts wondered to the pale orc Balin mentioned, “What about the Pale Orc, what happened to him?”

“He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago” growled Thorin turning to go back to the bed role. Bilbo didn’t miss the look Balin shot Gandalf at these words, and Bilbo wondered if the Pale Orc was as dead as Thorin thought. The camp was unnaturally quite after that little speech as the dwarves settled in for the night, no songs were sung, no jokes were dared to be uttered. It seemed to Bilbo that today was emotional for many people and not just himself.

Bilbo knew he had been lucky so far not having any nightmares for the Company to see, but he knew that his luck would eventually run out. It was no surprise that due to the emotional day that he had visiting the spot his mother died in that the memories of how it happened assaulted him that night.

The dwarves were all startled awake as a high pitched scream erupted in the camp. Many jumped up with weapons unsheathed even before they had their eyes open, the engrained response setting them into motion looking for the source of the threat. However one recognized the scream, Bifur immediately heading towards the figure of their burglar as he thrashed in his bedroll.

The other dwarves calmed down as they realized that they were not under attack and moved towards there burglar also when Bifur threw up a hand motioning them to stay back. Just like before Bifur grabbed the hobbits shoulder and began to gentle shake him, fully prepared for the blow that came and immediately let him go as his eye popped open unseeing. The scars over the side of his face gleamed in the firelight.

“Whats the matter with him Fee” Bifur heard Kili whispering behind him.

Balin’s brow furrowed as he watched the hobbit shake and tremble, his eye still glazed telling the older dwarf that even though he was awake he was still caught up in the dream. “If I didn’t know better Master Kili, I would say this was an old battle dream, many that survived Azanulbizar went through this. The mind tortures the body by making it relive past horrors, and sometimes when you awaken you are still trapped in the memory.”

Gandalf looked very upset as he slowly moved towards the hobbit calling softly. “Bilbo, Bilbo wake up.”

The fear that covered the Halfling’s face soon began to ebb away as he became aware of his surroundings. Balin knew the instant full awareness came to the Halfling, as a hand came up and quickly brought the hair back over his face, turning his body away from the dwarves. He flinches everyone so much as takes a step towards him. Balin knew it would be worthless to try to talk to the hobbit now, so he did him a small kindness and grabbed Fili and Kili by the back of their tunics and dragged them back to their bedrolls and ordered them in tense khuzdul to go back to sleep. Balin turned to see Gandalf kneeling next to the hobbit trying to touch him.

“Leave me be” came the hoarse voice of Bilbo, “You know nothing of what I’ve gone through wizard, and I don’t need your pity.” Balin’s attempt of giving Bilbo a bit of privacy to gather himself was defeated as all the dwarves turned their attention to the hobbit and wizard as the beginning of a fight started to brew.

“Bilbo” Gandalf said gently.

“Don’t Bilbo me, you don’t know a thing about me. Before the day you showed up at my door, I hadn’t seen you for over twenty years and suddenly you show up and act like we were good friends. Did you even know my mother was dead, when you threw it in my face when I first told you no! Even after I told you no, you still threw thirteen dwarves into my home and manipulated me into coming out into the world that I had no desire to ever go back out into again!”

Gandalf looked stunned, and a bit lost but didn’t object when Bifur grabbed his arm and pulled him away from the distressed hobbit.

“Back to your bedrolls” snapped Thorin after a moment making the dwarves scurry away from the hobbit. Thorin scowled at the hobbit, who returned it anger still bright in his eye.  Thorin was the first to look away in a huff, walking to where Dwalin was returning to guard duty.

“Just what we need” said Thorin harshly stopping next to his oldest friend, “If he does that in the middle of orc country we are all dead.”

Dwalin grunted, “Thorin, you as well as I know that one cannot control night terrors. I doubt the hobbit wanted to have such a dream.”

“That doesn’t help the fact that he is more of a liability then he was before” snarled Thorin.

“I don’t know Thorin, he seemed pretty handy with a dagger back in his home. He’s got a fighters spirit, I wouldn’t count him out just yet.”

Thorin glare darkened but didn’t say another word, though occasionally his head turned back to the hobbit who didn’t go back to sleep, but instead spent the rest of the night looking into the fire.

The next day was a little bit awkward, Bilbo making sure to not let anyone but Bifur come in within three feet of him. He was ashamed of his behavior of the night before, and hated that he had showed his weakness to the bunch of dwarves. He was pleased to see Gandalf stayed far away from him. The nerve of that wizard, was flinching away from his touch an invite for him to touch him, when he turned his back to the Company did it look like he wanted comfort. He could feel the gaze of the Company on him as he moved about. He was never so glad as he was when he got on Myrtle and fell in his usually position in the back of the Company.

Bilbo left his hood down this day, spending his day with his new hobby of dwarf watching, today he observed Ori, watching as he balanced the book in his lap as he rode, drawling scenes of their travel. He looked so cute with his tongue sticking out of his mouth as he concentrated. Bilbo had often overlooked this dwarf when he observed the Company, focusing on the troublemakers and the possible threats to pay attention to the knitwear dwarf. But know his eye often traveled to the innocent dwarf with his journal and slingshot. Watching Dori fuss over him reminded Bilbo so much of his fussypot Father when he was getting Bilbo ready to attend a Baggins function. He wasn’t aware that his new found interest in Ori was being observed by another dwarf, a dwarf with a streak of protectiveness that came out when his baby brother was concerned. If Bilbo had knew this he would have stopped, and switched his attention to the dwarf himself. They stopped at mid-day for a break by a river so that Balin, Thorin, and Gandalf could consult the map.  Bilbo managed to slip away with a new shirt, traveling a ways downstream he quickly stripped and freshened up before slipping into the clean shirt free of weeks’ worth of sweat that dirtied the other one.

 

As he knelt down to gather a cup of water to drink before making his way back when he froze at the feeling of a knife being pressed against his throat. Very slowly he risked standing up, with the knife following his movements.

“What do you want?” he asked carefully, not turning around to see who it was.

“I want to know why you watch my brother so” hissed Nori into the hobbits ear. “You have been watching him all day and I want to know why!” Nori had followed after the hobbit when he realized that he had slipped away from the group and followed the faint trail further downstream to see the hobbit kneeling next to the river getting a drink and Nori had closed in.

The hobbit twitched and before Nori knew it he was on his back, a hairy foot was pinning down his hand with dagger, while another foot and arm held down his other arm and a dagger was now pressed against his own throat.

“I watch Ori because he reminds me of what I used to be like, before the world used me and left me broken” he hissed, before bitterly laughing and getting off of Nori who hastily got up completely shocked by the hobbits confession and more than impressed by the quick reflexes of the hobbit. Nori didn’t even know how he did it.

Nori looked at Bilbo “You used to be like Ori?” he asked disbelievingly, his guard still up as he backed a few steps from Bilbo to be safe.

Bilbo hummed as he picked up the sheath for the dagger off the ground and sheathed it, “Very much so, I was bookish and I always wanted to write a book, I even used to crochet. That’s why I watch him, to remind me that I once was something that innocent, and in my own way protect him so that maybe at the end of this quest he will still be that way and not like me.”

As Nori watched Bilbo strap the dagger back onto his forearm, his eyes not missing the scar that ran up his pale wrist. If he had been any other dwarf he would have demanded the hobbit to tell the battle story behind it. But Nori had spent a lot of time in the underbelly of world, and he knew the stories behind scars like that and he knew better than to point it out. His instincts were telling him that the hobbit was telling the truth and he was no threat to Ori and wanted to protect him. He cleared his throat, feeling guilty suddenly about jumping the hobbit “Sorry about that.”

“I’m used to it” replied Bilbo coolly, thinking back to all the times in the Shire when he would be accused of harming a child, Nori had just proven that the dwarves were no different than the hobbits of the Shire. And he had made the right decision on keeping his distance, he didn’t belong here, he didn’t belong anywhere. He made sure that he looked proper before heading back to the group, another wall built around his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you like, trolls and Rivendale will be in the next chapter.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Trolls, wizards, and elves

Bilbo wondered how he ended up in this situation; somehow he was roped into bringing the two dwarflings there super. And now he wondered if there was a way to murder them in their sleep as he dangled by his ankles by a trio of troll, it was either that or giving into the panic attack that was trying to force its way out of his chest. He needed to get free of this troll quickly, or else he would panic from being completely helpless at the mercy of someone bigger than him once again.

“What is it?” demanded the troll called Bert leaning in close to get a look at Bilbo. Bilbo thought quickly, knowing if he said hobbit that these dumb trolls wouldn’t know what he was.

“I’m a dwarf can’t you tell” exclaimed Bilbo, trying to take deep breaths.

“Looks like more of a ferret to me,” said William, “You can’t be a dwarf, you ain’t got no beard.”

Bilbo huffed thinking quickly again. “That’s because I’m sick”, straining he pulled his pant leg up until the fur that was on his legs could be seen by the trolls. “See I’ve got the migrating sickness, my poor beard moved from my face to my legs. Who knows how much longer before my mouth ends up on the bottom of my feet” Bilbo said woefully. “And if you eat me you will just get it to. That last days of your life would be horrible, your entire face on the bottom of your feet.”

The trolls looked disturbed, “I ain’t gonna eat that” said Bert backing away from the hobbit believing the lie. “I say let it go before we get infected to.”

Of course this was when Kili burst from the trees about to demand the trolls, almost ruining the hobbits plan, but Bilbo realized he could use this to his advantage. Kili jumped unexpectedly when the hobbit shrieked. “Oh know it’s already spreading, before today the poor lad had a glorious beard, look at him now. Oh he doesn’t deserve to fall to the migrating sickness; he’s so young to die such a horrible death.”

Kili blinked at the hobbit not understanding, but the trolls seemed to. The suddenly threw the hobbit at Kili furiously whipping their hands in the dirt. “Just get away from us!” cried all three trolls as Bilbo landed with an umph on top of Kili.

“Bilbo what?” asked Kili not understanding what was happening. Bilbo didn’t say anything besides grabbing the younger dwarves arm and hauling him back into the woods.

“Stupid, stupid idiot” mumbled Bilbo to himself as he pulled Kili toward were there camp was only stopping when the practically ran straight into the rest of the Company.

“Bilbo!” exclaimed Fili “Your alive!”

Bilbo counted to five willing himself not to give unto his anger, but then the dwarfling moved in to touch him. And he thought ‘Screw it’, Fili and Kili pushed him too much and he let himself vent some of his anger.

He slammed his fist first in Fili’s nose and then Kili’s. Not bothering to pull the punches, the young dwarves were caught unaware and found themselves on their bums, Fili’s big nose managed to survive unaffected, but blood dripped from his nose.

“Next time you have a half-cocked plan, leave..me..out..of..it!” he hissed he glares at them for added measure before turning, ignoring the rest of the dwarves and walking back to camp, his cloak billowing out behind him dramatically.

Fili and Kili just stared after the hobbit before turning their eyes to their uncle. Who looked at them without pity, “Don’t look at me when your idiotic plans fail.”

Thorin turned and looked at the rest of his men, “Now what are we going to do about these trolls.”

“I believe I have a plan” came the voice of Gandalf from behind them.

-~O~-

Bilbo made himself comfortable back at camp, making sure to grab a bowl of stew that had been forgotten. He wondered if it would be better to leave the Company while he still could. But where would he go he wondered, he had no place to turn to. No place he would willingly go back to, at any rate. He rubbed his eye, he really wanted  to sleep but feared the nightmares that always lurked. He wondered if he should worry about the dwarves, they hadn’t followed him back from the forest. He was just wondering if he should go back to check on them when a rustle came from that direction. Instantly on alert, his hand clenched onto one of his daggers, only to relax as he saw Ori coming through the trees looking a little bit irritated.

“Whats the matter Master Ori?” asked Bilbo relaxing again.

Ori jumped slightly, having not seen the hobbit, but he smiled softly as he settled next to him. “It’s just Dori and Nori, Master Bilbo. Gandalf came back with a plan on how to defeat the trolls, and my brothers decided that it is too dangerous for me and they sent me back here like a dwarfling.”

Bilbo hummed and grabbed his whet stone and began to sharpen one of his many daggers. “So they believe you are old enough to face a dragon but not old enough to face three bumbling trolls.”

Ori relaxed further, the sharpening of the blades a familiar sound that he usually associated with Nori. “Exactly Master Bilbo, Kili is only a few months older than me. Yet he is never treated like a dwarfling, just because I am a scribe and not a warrior I am somehow l am weaker.”

Bilbo snorted, but quickly explained his reasoning before Ori could get offended. “That I find foolish Master Ori, Kili might be a warrior but he should be treated like a dwarfling. He and his brother act like a pair of fauntlings half the time, and act surprised when there are consequences to their foolish actions. They allowed a full grown troll to carry off two ponies before they even realized something was wrong. Then they pushed me into a hostile situation with nothing more than hoot one like an owl if I got into trouble. And then to top it off Kili jumped out planning to confront the trolls by himself when I had the situation under control. You are a smart dwarf from what I have observed Master Ori, and I have no doubt that you can hold your own and I’m sure by the end of this quest your brother will have seen this to. It just might take a little time, we have many miles between us and Erebor you will get your chance to prove yourself.” He smiled softly at Ori, “But right now I’m afraid your are going to have to endure over bearing siblings, such is the fate of the youngest sibling.”

Ori couldn’t help but smile back, feeling better. “It was awesome when you punched Fili and Kili, none of the others could believe that such a small creature could knock both of them on their arses.”

Bilbo returned the smile, the most he had smiled in years. “Well you always have to watch out for the small ones, Master Ori and don’t you forget it.”

Ori let out tiny laugh and gently laid his head on Bilbo’s shoulder. “Thanks Bilbo.”

Bilbo froze; he was in uncharted waters here. He had not been causally touched like this since he was a child. He hesitantly reached out an quickly patted Ori’s hand, “Your welcome Ori.”

Bilbo was amazed when not only did Ori not remove his head, but he snuggled closer to the hobbit and drifted off into a slight doze. Bilbo dared not move as the dwarf lightly snored the rest of the night away, he knew that if Nori caught him in this position he probably would be cut and quartered. So when his ears caught the slightest sounds of the brush breaking he quickly but gently removed Ori from his shoulder and fled to the other side of the camp as Balin and Nori entered the camp ground.

“Wakey, wakey you two,” called Nori, his eyes immediately going to his brother’s location and then Bilbo. His brows lifting as he watched Ori look around in confusion before they landed on Bilbo and to Nori shock his brother smiled at the hobbit and if Nori strained his eyes he could just see the curve of Bilbo’s smile in the hoods shadow.

“How did Gandalf’s plan work?” asked Ori eagerly, as he came to stand in front of Balin.

“Perfectly as can be expected from a wizard’s plan, all three trolls are stone, and the others are now investigating a troll hoard. Which why we have come to collect you two,” explained Balin chuckling a little.

Bilbo huffed, of course they would have to wait for the dwarves to investigate a potential treasure trove, instead of clearing the area as fast as they could. Packing his belongings, he followed Balin and Nori back to the clearing making a detour to see the stone trolls. Before heading to the troll hoard, a few of the dwarves were standing guard outside looking disgusted and as Bilbo caught a whiff of the stink he knew why. Bilbo moved as far as he could away from the stink and settled on the rock watching the dwarves.

He allowed his eye to rest not opening them until he heard footsteps stop right in front of him. Opening it he say Gandalf in front of him holding what looked like a small sword. Gandalf offered the sword to Bilbo, “Here you are Bilbo, the blade will glow blue when orc and goblins are near.”

Bilbo took the sword feeling the weight of it in his hands. It was heavier than expected, but a blade was always a welcome asset. “Thank-you Gandalf” he replied, he decided to strap the sword across his back, so the hilt was behind his left ear, he would have to rearrange his daggers to accommodate the sword around his waist. He had barely finished strapping it on the sound of something breaking through the brush had the dwarves on the defense. In a blink of an eye, Bilbo found himself surrounded with Bifur at his front and Ori at his back, facing the direction the sound was coming from.

“THIEVES, MURDERS” came a familiar voice, along with a familiar looking sled pulled by rabbits.

“Radagast” said Gandalf exasperated as the sled came to a halt right in front of him; he looked at the rest of the Company missing the shocked and surprised look on Bilbo’s face. “It’s alright, it’s just Radagast the Brown.”

The dwarves after watching Radagast, all decide they were lucky at least Gandalf was sane, unlike the twitchy brown wizard and known paid attention to the conversation that the two wizards had between themselves.

“The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf. A darkness has fallen over it. Nothing grows anymore, at least nothing good. The air is fouled decay, but worst are the webs.”

“Webs? What do you mean?” demanded Gandalf.

“Spiders, Gandalf. Giant ones. Some kind of spawn of Ungoliant or I'm not a wizard. I followed their trail, they came from... Dol Guldur.”

“Dol Guldur? But the old fortress is abandoned” murmured Gandalf not believing the other wizard.

“No, Gandalf, 'tis not. A dark power dwells in there. Such as I have never felt before. It is the shadow of an ancient horror. One that can summon the spirits of the dead. I saw him, Gandalf, from out of the darkness. A Necromancer has come!”

Gandalf was disturbed with this news, even more so when Radagast showed him the package of what he had won with his duel of the ghostly figure. Dark times were indeed coming back to Middle Earth. He was forced to pull out of his thoughts when Radagast began to speak again, “Really Gandalf-“

Radagast paused mid-word to Gandalf as he looked over his shoulder. The dwarves followed his gaze to land on Bilbo. None were more surprised than Gandalf when he was pushed out of the way by the brown wizard that came to kneel in front of Bilbo.

“Bilbo” he said gently and pulled the hobbit into a hug. Bilbo swallowed thickly and hugged Radagast back, breathing the smells of the forest that clung to Radagast, as the smell of Old Toby clung to Gandalf’s robes. Radagast pulled away and cupped Bilbo’s face pulling back the hood and his hair to look at him clearly, cataloging all the changes since the last time he saw the hobbit. “My boy, what are you doing outside of the Shire?” he asked gently.

Bilbo’s eyes drifted past Radagast and flickered to Gandalf and back. Radagast slowly turned to look at the other wizard, and Gandalf felt the urge to take a few steps back from the other wizard, never before in his life had he ever seen the other so much as glare but now he was doing that to Gandalf.

Before Gandalf could say a word Radagast had him by the beard and pulled him away once again from the group of dwarves and the lone hobbit. “Gandalf what do you think you are doing pulling one of Yavanna’s children on one of your quests, let alone Bilbo Baggins!”

“Radagast let me explain” began Gandalf before Radagast gave his beard a sharp tug, the timid brown wizard was gone and in his place a being that oozed power and Gandalf realized just how angry Radagast was.

“No you listen to me, if any harm comes to that boy, nothing on Middle Earth will hide you from my wrath. Sauron would look like a kitten compared to me Gandalf and that it the truth. Am I understood!”

“Yes Radagast” Gandalf said quietly, Radagast studied him for a moment before nodding and letting go.

“Very good” Radagast turned to go back to Bilbo when Gandalf stopped him.

“Radagast how do you know Bilbo Baggins?” he asked quietly.

Some of the anger seemed to disappear off of his face, “You don’t know what happened to him do you?”

Gandalf shook his head, “Indeed, the last time I saw him before asking to join this adventure was when I visited his Mother right after her husband died, I dare not ask him for fear of upsetting him and none of the other hobbits in the Shire would answer any of my questions.”

Radagast pursed his lips, “That still isn’t an excuse Gandalf, pulling him into one of your mad adventures might do him more harm than good Gandalf. You better pray nothing happens to him Gandalf.”

Before Gandalf could reply, a howl cut through the morning air, and the next few minutes were a whirl and before the Company knew it they were running across the plains while Radagast led the warg pack off. Which eventually lead to the dwarves being forced to take the tunnel to Rivendell.

Bilbo gazed at the serene picture Rivendell made, old memories of the few times he and his Mother had visited during their travels. It seemed that nothing had changed in the twenty years that had passed, the strange feeling of peace seemed to settle on his tortured soul dispelling the cloud that covered him. Bilbo knew that here his battered soul would find refuge until the Company set off again.

“It’s beautiful” whispered Ori from his place beside Bilbo as they were lead into the courtroom. The young dwarf gazed at the delicate architecture that stretched out above them.

“Wait until you see the library” whispered back Bilbo making Ori look at his questionably.

“You’ve been here before?”

Bilbo nodded as an elf came down to greet Gandalf, one Bilbo remembered as Lindir. Bilbo had a sudden desire to leave, he had made friends with many of the elves here and he did not want them to see how far he had sunk, how broken he was.

“My Lord Elrond is not here” he vaguely heard Lindir say, before the sounds of hunting horns filled the air and patrol of elves came trotting towards them. Hands grabbed the back of his cloak, and Bilbo found himself in the middle of the Company along with Ori, Kili, and Fili. Being surrounded almost sent him in a panic, when Ori’s knit covered hands grasped onto his, anchoring as the elves came riding around them, looming over them with disdain in their eyes. Bilbo bowed his head forward keeping his head in shadows hoping they wouldn’t notice that he was a hobbit.

Finally the horses came to a halt and Lord Elrond dismounted in front of Gandalf. “Gandalf” they elf lord called stepping down to embrace the wizard.

“Lord Elrond” returned Gandalf smiling, before he slipped into elvish. “ _Were have you been, my friend.”_

 _“We’ve been hunting a pack of Orcs that came up from the South. We slew a number near the Hidden Pass.”_ Eyes boring into Gandalf’s, enquiring to why he was here. “Strange for Orcs to come so close to our borders. Something or someone has drawn them near” continued Elrond in western, turning to look at the dwarves, taking in the state of the fourteen. A collection it would seem of old and young, from the obvious warriors of the group to the miner and what looked like a scribe.

Gandalf looked sheepish as he cleared his throat, “Ah, that may have been us.”

Taking this as his que, Thorin detangled himself from his men and stepped forward till he was in front of Lord Elrond. “Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain.” Elrond could tell immediately that this was the last place this dwarf wanted to be, and the Elf Lord knew that it was probably Gandalf to blame that they were even here in the first place.

“I do not believe we have met” replied Thorin, coolly taking in Lord Elrond stance and demeanor. In that moment Elrond was replace with the image of Thranduil, and all Thorin’s feelings for Thranduil came racing to the surface.

“You have your Grandfathers bearing. I knew Thror when he was King Under the Mountain” Elrond spoke truthfully. He had met Thror before the gold sickness set in, when he had been a fair ruler. His grandson carried himself in much the same way, the proud shoulders and the aura of royalty no matter how scruffy he appeared to be.

“Indeed? He never mention you” countered Thorin, glaring at the Elf Lord. Bilbo at that moment wanted  to smack Thorin upside the head, for a King he was grievously lacking in manners, acting more like a spoiled brat then an equal to the Elf Lord. Glancing at Elrond, Bilbo managed to catch a glint of mischief as the Elf began to address the King once more.

 _“I would be honored, if you and your kin would dine with me this evening”_ he said in a serious voice, somehow making the words seem sinister. As expected the dwarves immediately jumped to the conclusion that the elf was insulting them.

“What is he saying?!” demanded Gloin, “Does he offer us insult!”

Gandalf shot an exasperated look at Elrond before answering quickly, “No, Master Gloin, he’s offering you food.” The Elf Lord did nothing but smirk faintly as he watched the dwarves converse the prospect among them, his eyes focusing on the one hidden with a hood, since he was the only one not talking to his companions. Elrond barely had time to process that instead of large boots like most dwarves wore, this one had large feet. Before Gloin stepped forward again.

“Well, in that case, lead on.”

Elrond had no choice but to lead the dwarves into his home, instead of investigating the Halfling. The dwarves began to follow Elrond into his house when a commotion behind them had everyone stopping and looking to see what it was. Even the Elves looked surprised as Radagast made his way through them, hitting with his staff when the elves were to slow for his liking. Though those looks where nothing compared to the looks the wizard got when he made his way through the dwarves and picked up Bilbo like he was a child and carried him past Lord Elrond without a word.

Thorin turned his eyes to Balin with disbelief written across his face, “Balin I think our burglar just got stole.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning character attempted suicide scene

Bilbo resigned to letting himself be carried around like a child as Radagast carried him further into Rivendell. Despite himself he snuggled into the wizard’s hold, hungry for the contact of another person. Radagast robes smelled like the forest, full of life and green things, a smell that further comforted him.

He barely noticed when they entered a room, until he was being set down on the bed and his cloak was taken away from him. The next to come off was his shirt until Bilbo was shirtless in front of the wizard, and Radagast was searching his torso for wounds, mumbling under his breath when he came across a bruise from the rough handling that trolls had given him. He also heard him mutter how he needed to eat and sleep more, that he looked terrible. Bilbo also noticed that Radagast glanced at his wrists looking for new scars.

He gave Radagast a look but the wizard was not fazed. Radagast still remembered the day that Bilbo had gained these scars. Radagast gently touched the pale silver scars that ran up Bilbo’s wrists. When he first saw them he thought he had been too late that Bilbo was already dead, there had been so much blood. He closed his eyes remembering the day Bilbo was fully lucid after he tried to kill himself. He had cried and screamed at Radagast on why he saved him, why hadn’t he just let him die.  

_Radagast had left Bilbo in bed, sleeping uneasy nightmares of what happened to him and his mother plagued him almost every night. The Wizard had just slipped out to gather some herbs to help make a new poultice to keep infection from coming back to his wounds. He had only been out a little bit when Sebastian came running out as fast as he could squealing for Radagast, something was wrong with Bilbo._

_Radagast had never moved so fast in his life as he raced back to his house. What he found inside almost made his heart stop. Bilbo stood in the middle of the room, one of the kitchen knives in his hand and blood gushing from his wrists._

_Radagast flew towards the hobbit, rushing to stop the bleeding. Bilbo had looked at him with a dead eye while tears ran down his check, blood was seeping out from under the bandage that used to be his other eye so that it looked like he was weeping blood and tears. “Why don’t you just let me die?” he asked in a dead voice. Radagast didn’t answer just swept up the hobbit and tried to stop the bleeding in time. Bilbo had begun to scream after that demanding that he be allowed to die, that he wanted to be with his Mother. He didn’t want to live with the memories._

_Radagast had almost lost the young hobbit that night, his breathing grew shallow and he became pale and cold. Radagast had set up with him all night, watching him and had been so relieved when Bilbo’s breathing grew stronger and he woke up almost two days later. After that Radagast never left Bilbo alone, keeping an eye on him even after Bilbo swore never to try again. He even stayed with the hobbit after he returned to the Shire until he was certain that the hobbit would make it._

Radagast was torn from his memories by cool hands on his own hands. Radagast looked into the eye of the hobbit that looked back at him. “I’m fine Radagast, I’ve kept my promise.”

Radagast shook his head, “I know Bilbo, but I’ve worried. And I see reason to, when is the last time that you’ve ate; I can see your ribs. You will be sitting next to me at dinner and you will eat everything that I put on your plate. But in the meantime I think a bath is in order and you will tell me how you ended up in the Company of dwarves and Gandalf.”

\----------------------------------=------------------------------=

“You bring strange company to me doorstep Gandalf” murmured Elrond looking out over the gardens with the Gray Wizard “Orcs, wargs, and dwarves. Though I’ve never seen Radagast act that way, if you would enlighten me as to why he assaulted so many of my elves for just one dwarf.”

Gandalf puffed on his pipe before letting out one single smoke ring. “I’m afraid I cannot answer that my friend. Though that wasn’t a dwarf it was a hobbit, Bilbo Baggins.”

Elrond look startled, “That was truly Bilbo Baggins?”

It was Gandalf’s turn to look surprised, “You know Bilbo Baggins?”

Elrond nodded looking troubled, “Yes he and his Mother were often honored guests when they rested in-between their travels.”

Gandalf’s browls furrowed, “I did not know that.”

Elrond hmmed, “Yes, the last I saw either of them was twenty years ago. Belladonna told me that the itch had left her feet and it was time to return home. She felt it was time for Bilbo to be around other hobbits. Did you see Belladonna when you were in the Shire?”

Gandalf gaze turned to the floor, “Belladonna is dead Elrond and Bilbo is broken, sometime in the last twenty years something happened to him.  He covers himself so that only you can see is his hands and feet, and keeps his face in shadows somehow his eye is gone and it was removed by force. He has also told me that he has no Family, and that he will never set foot in the Shire again no matter the result of this adventure. He also gets upset being called Master Baggins, and has yelled at the entire company that his name is Bilbo and nothing else. He barely eats and makes no attempt at conversation the only time he talks is to defend himself in an argument. If he was an elf he would say he needed to sail to the Undying Lands.”

Elrond felt grief over this news, remembering the happy hobbit child that used to play with his children in the hallways of Rivendell while he had tea with Belladonna. He couldn’t believe that his friend was already dead, he always believed that he would one day see her again, Belladonna’s spirit was made for adventure and he always expected her to one day show up on his doorsteps maybe with a few grandchildren.  He stood silently next to Gandalf as he turned over this news until Lindir came to inform him that dinner was ready.

Lord Elrond watched from the high table as his guests trickled in, the dwarves looked better than when he first saw them having washed away the layer of dust that had covered them. Most of them looked relieved to be sitting at an actual table but as expected Thorin looked like he would rather be facing Smaug with a toothpick than being in Rivendell. But despite his appearance Elrond graciously invited him to dine at the high table with himself and Gandalf.

He tried to keep his attention on the guests at the table but he couldn’t help it when his yes flickered to the doorway, wondering if the hobbit and Radagast would be making an appearance or if he would be taking supper in his room where he had situation himself. Elrond had no sooner thought of this when through the door walked Radagast his hand firmly on the shoulder of the hobbit.

It was like Gandalf had said, the hobbit was dressed from head to toe, expect gone was the cloak that covered himself before. The hobbit face was trained to the floor, Elrond observed that there was hair that covered half of his face. Elrond barely listened to Radagast apology for being late as he studied the hobbit. Not once did the hobbit look at the elf lord, instead kept his eye on the floor and moved only when Radagast steered him to a free spot at the table. The brown wizard immediately began to fill the hobbit’s plate full of food and both seemed fine in ignoring those around them.

The dwarves were astonished at the behavior of the brown wizard, and that of their burglar. Many would call it fussing, but it was somehow deeper. At dinner the brown wizard had piled the hobbit’s dish high with food and whenever Bilbo made a move to protest Radagast would glare at him until he relented and ate everything he was given. It also didn’t escape the dwarves that the Lord of the House kept sneaking glances at the hobbit, and every time that he did there was a look of deep sadness in his face. But not once did the hobbit look any were except for his plate or the wizard.

Once the hobbit had eaten everything on his plate, Radagast swept him away. Away from the stares the hobbit had garnered through the entire meal. It hadn’t escaped the wizard at how tense Bilbo had been during the entire meal and the shrugged off attempts of conversation with the members of his Company. It broke Radagast’s heart to see Bilbo like this, he thought the Shire would be good for the young hobbit, that his family would help him heal. But from what Bilbo had told him, the Shire was the worse move. To think his own family had disowned him because he refused to explain, that they isolated the poor boy when he needed his family the most.

Radagast sighed as he took in the sight of the young hobbit sleeping in his bed, he looked so vulnerable in sleep more like the child he had saved that terrible day. He had hoped that the Shire would heal his broken soul. Yet it would seem that it had only made it worse, Bilbo was detached from the world around him. Sure he interacted and such, but he never opened himself, afraid to be vulnerable, he kept the world an arm’s length away. He kept his emotions locked away and rarely showed them to anyone unless it was anger. Radagast wished that he could go back in time, wished that he had kept Bilbo with him, that he had visited the young hobbit. Most of all he wished that he had been there in time to save Belladonna and Bilbo from the attack.

The Earth had cried out to him that night, screaming that he needed to save his Lady’s children. He had pushed his rabbits as hard as he could that night, but he had been to late he had found Belladonna dead in her son’s arms and Bilbo already half-way through deaths door. He had taken both hobbits back to his house in Mirkwood, making sure Belladonna got a decent burial and used all his skills to keep her son alive. The first days had been terrible, Bilbo had been delirious with fever yelling for his Mother, and reliving the attack over and over again. Infection had run rampant in his small body from his numerous wounds. Then unexpectedly, Bilbo’s fever had broken and his wounds of his body began to heal. But still Bilbo had suffered with crippling pain from both his physical and mental wounds. And here they were twenty years later and while Bilbo no longer suffered from his physical wounds his mental wounds were still fresh, a wound that never healed and was just as fresh as it had been all those years ago.

Like it had been summoned by Radagast’s thoughts, Bilbo’s forehead began to crease and whimpers began to escape his mouth. Radagast immediately began to hum hoping to draw Bilbo out of the dream before he was in too deep and couldn’t escape it. He continued for a few minutes until the whimpers died away and Bilbo slept on peacefully.

 Radagast continued to hum, and he settle down for the night, he would keep vigil over Bilbo just like he had so many times before. He would keep him safe from the night terrors and he prayed that one day that Bilbo would finally heal.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you liked!


	8. Chapter 8

Bilbo woke late in the day feeling more refreshed than he had since he left Bag End. He could finally think straight without the pounding in his head from exhaustion. Glancing around he was surprised to see that Radagast was not next to the bed. Though a looking to nightstand he found a note from the wizard saying he had been called to an important meeting with Lord Elrond about the state of the forests and that food was waiting on the table on the balcony.

Bilbo was surprised when his stomach gave a loud rumble demanding to be feed. Bilbo had almost forgotten what it felt like to be so hungry as he got out of bed he being so used to small meals once or twice a day. So it was breathing the sweet air of the hidden valley that Bilbo had first breakfast in a true hobbit fashion.  He surprised himself as he leaned back in his chair after eating about how much food he consumed and how he felt so much better. His eyes felt heavy and he slowly made his way back to his bed and promptly fell back to sleep.

When he woke again it was late afternoon, to see that the breakfast dishes had been cleared away and lunch had been set out. Feeling better than he had in a long time he ate a small bit of lunch before deciding to take a warm bath.

The water felt amazing and Bilbo, just laid back, soaking in the water and scrubbing his skin till it was a healthy pink and only moving when the water started to chill. Climbing out he found that someone had taken all his cloths, except for his cloak and replaced them with silky elven cloths that were his size. Bilbo reluctantly put on the light colored cloths and making sure his hair and cloak was in place he quietly slipped out of the room, heading towards the library, thankful that he was a hobbit as he silently walked past elves that didn’t notice his small figure. He knew that once long ago he would have greeted the elves and talk to them of the ages long past. But now he wished he was anywhere but here where so many could remember who he once was and he didn’t want to answer the questions that would surely follow of what had changed.

His heart clenched when he saw Erestor sitting at his usually table in the library, he could remember many happy conversations in the self-appointed librarian of Rivendell. But like with all the other elves Bilbo silently slipped past him heading towards a well concealed nook that would hide him he grabbed one of his favorite books off the shelf and settled in. Books were an escape for him, letting him forget his worries about what his life had become, though his taste in literature had drastically changed, preferring none of the fantasy happily ever after’s.  There was no such thing in the world, it was one of life’s false hopes to live happily ever after. The elves knew this more than other races, tragic love stories, battles, and mortality spanned across the Ages, though they might not talk of it out loud the events were all recorded where elves could read them and hopefully drawl out a lesson from them.

The day flew by as Bilbo immersed himself in stories of tragedy and revenge, not noticing the time fly by until a hand with dirt underneath the fingernails pulled it out of his grasp and Bilbo sighed as he followed the hand to see the face of Radagast looking down at him.

“Supper time Bilbo, for some reason Lord Elrond has asked for the Company again at his table” Radagast said with a smile.

Bilbo nodded and followed him to the dining hall where once again the dwarves and elves were already seated.  He felt the eyes on the Company on him but like last night he didn’t move his eyes from his plate. Even when young sweet Ori tried to drawl him into conversation Bilbo choose to not answer, remembering all too well Nori’s threats against him.

Balin held back the sigh that threatened to escape him. He thought he would never see someone who wanted not to be at Rivendell more than Thorin, but Master Bilbo was giving him a run for his money. Anyone with eyes could see that the hobbit wanted to be anywhere except here. He had hidden himself so well from everyone that it took the wizard to find him despite the dwarves and the elves best efforts in locating the wayward hobbit. It was clear to Balin that Bilbo had been here before if he understood the whispers that the elves said amongst themselves. Many had denied that it could be Bilbo, as the Bilbo from their memories was a friendly, inquisitive child and he couldn’t be this jaded damaged soul.  It was only after Gandalf had assured the elves that it indeed was Bilbo did they finally believe and many of the server elves sent Bilbo pitying looks all during the meal. But Bilbo didn’t pay them any mind, though from the set of his shoulders the hobbit knew he was being watched. He even ignored  all of Elrond’s best attempts at catching the hobbit’s eye and his slightly louder than normal voice as he asked Gandalf of the lands to the west.

Bilbo knew exactly what the Elven Lord was up to, but he was not going to fall for it. Bilbo knew that it was useless to believe that the Elf didn’t know who he was not with Gandalf sitting right next to him and also staring at Bilbo trying to meddle in affairs that were not any of his business.

Suddenly Bilbo didn’t feel hungry anymore and setting down his fork he stood up from the table drawling the attention of the whole company of dwarves and elves to look at him. Bilbo steeled his spine under the weight of all the stares and murmuring an apology he fled from the table. He felt like he could never escape all the stares all the whispering, no matter where he went, the Shire, Bree, or apparently Rivendell , they followed. People who drew conclusions without knowing the facts or worse those who looked at him with Pity in their eyes and tried to offer their weak apologizes all while trying to trick him into giving them answers, pity that would turn to anger when Bilbo refused to discuss what had happened.

“Master Baggins” came the voice of Lord Elrond, and Bilbo flinched at the sound of his name that drew him out of his dark thoughts and he was ashamed to admit his step faltered for a split second before he kept going, he was not going to answer to that name it wasn’t his anymore. “Bilbo please.”

At this Bilbo came to a complete stop, he wanted nothing more to keep walking but the part of him that used to be Bilbo Baggins, the one who remembered fondly of Lord Elrond picking him up and letting him call him Uncle Elrond was stopping him from taking another step forward. He could hear the sound of footsteps come forward but he turned before Elrond could put a hand on his shoulder.

“Lord Elrond” he said politely staring at the Elf’s chest, he couldn’t bring himself to look into the wise face of the Elven Lord. If he did he would have saw the sorrow that covered the elf’s face as he gazed at the changed hobbit before him. His heart ached at the memories of a small hobbit boy throwing himself into his arms and demanding to be told stories from his favorite uncle. He could almost hear the sound of Belladonna’s laughter in the air and the promise to see him soon. Elrond couldn’t believe his dear friend had left this earth for Yavanna’s garden twenty years ago, it seemed just yesterday to the immortal that he had seen Belladonna and Bilbo off as they headed south to see the Golden Halls of the Horse Lords and the White Tower. He deeply regretted never trying to contract Bella, he might have found out what happened and helped her young damaged son that Elrond still considered part of his family.

“My apologizes Master Bilbo” began Elrond remembering that Gandalf had warned him that Bilbo responded bad when called Master Baggins. “I wish to express my condolences at your Mother’s passing.”

Bilbo drew in a deep breath, his hand clenched into fists. “Thank-you oh esteemed Lord Elrond, but I’m afraid your condolences are too late, my Mother has been dead these past twenty years and while that might not seem that long for you it has been for me” answered Bilbo before dropping into a low bow before leaving the Elf Lord to stand alone in the hallway.

Elrond’s head bowed in grief and for a moment he felt his ancient age. He felt that he had failed his friend even though he never truly promised Belladonna to take care of her son after she was dead. Though he felt that he should have did something sooner, but he knew that he couldn’t let the guilt consume him, if had let guilt get to him he would not have lived to be such an old age without fading. His mind flipped to letting the One Ring not be destroyed, to the abduction of his wife by the Orcs. Their whole family had been affected by that, his sons most of all. Though they might joke like they once did, they lacked the carefree attitude they had in their youth.  He prayed that the Company was gone before  they returned from their Orc hunt, he didn’t want them to see what Bilbo had become, how much he had changed.


	9. Chapter 9

As the moon rose above the Hidden Valley, a pair of horses began to descend towards the Last Homely House. Unaware of the company that their Father was keeping.

\-----------------------------------------------------

“The hobbit has defiantly been here before and knows the head elf” said Nori as he settled down next to the fire with the rest of the Company.

“And pray how did you come by this information?” asked Dori glaring at his brother.

“I might have overheard a conversation between the both of them” said Nori slyly. “And let me tell you what, our Burglar was none too happy to hear his apologizes. He made Thorin’s introduction seem like the highest standards of politeness.”

The Company laughed while Thorin just huffed at the comparison.

“What was Elrond apologizing for?” asked Fili from where he was sharpening one of his many daggers.

“He giving his condolences for Bilbo’s Mothers passing. Bilbo told the elf that he was 20 years too late” said Nori.

“Yet another mystery to solve about our Burglar” sighed Kili.

“One that probably won't be solved young Kili,” said Balin, “The only one with answers is Master Bilbo and he doesn’t seem inclined to tell anyone about his past.”

“We could ask the brown wizard” said Gloin from his place at the fire.

“No, that won’t work. Radagast is protective of Bilbo, he won’t be telling anyone about what happened even if he knew” said Dori. His own experience of protecting Nori from palace guards was fresh in his mind. Dori would rather die than betray his brother’s trust and from what he had seen of Radagast, the silver haired dwarf knew that it was the same kind of loyalty.

“Well something has to change, I’m tired of more questions than answers” growled out Dwalin.

A sound of agreement rang through the company. Silence then descended over the Company, each deep in thought. It seemed that sleep was going to come hard to many in the Homely House.

Bilbo felt too restless after supper to go to sleep. He had hoped that the meeting with Lord Elrond would have been put off another night or two. But it seemed he couldn’t escape the Master of Rivendell for long. Bilbo felt a ting twinge of guilt, time was different for elves who had lived for centuries. But Lord Elrond had been a very good friend with his Mother, he should have known that something was wrong when he didn’t hear from her in twenty years.

As he walked around, Rivendell felt less peaceful than ever before. It felt to clean, to perfect, too fake to be real and he hated it. He hated how the world seemed to change everywhere expect for here. The last Homely Home looked exactly like it had twenty years ago. From the buildings to the elves, it all looked the same. Bilbo felt a little resentment that the evil in this world didn’t seem to affect this timeless place. He felt dirty at that moment; the evil he brought with him seemed to taint this pure place. As he wandered he didn’t notice the two figures coming towards him.

“Bilbo” called two voices sounding exactly the same.

Bilbo didn’t even have to turn around to know that behind him were Elrond’s twin sons Elladan and Elrohir, two dear friends that played with him during his past visits. He was more afraid to look these two in the eyes than all the rest of the elves in Rivendell combined. He knew that they would see the darkness that haunted him, that they would recognize it having seen the same look in their Mother’s eyes.

He had heard the whispered stories, of how the Twins hunted for months for their Mother, and what she was afterwards. How finding her in that state changed the two fun loving elves into serious blood thirsty assassins, determined to wipe every last Orc off of the face of the map.

Bilbo squared his shoulder, determined to ignore them. But he had hardly gone a foot when hands grabbed his shoulder spinning him around. Bilbo wasn’t prepared for the tug, and much to his dismay his hood fell down and his hair flew from his face for a brief moment.

Two twin gasps reached his ears as he looked into the two identical shocked faces.

Shame filled Bilbo and he tried to jerk away, intent of escaping to his room. But he was stopped by a firm grip. Bilbo trembled as a hand touched his chin and gently lifted his face. Another hand gently swept the hair away from his left side.

“Bilbo look at us” said Elrohir. Bilbo slowly lifted his remaining eye. The twins looked into his remaining eye. They could see the pain, the shame, and the regret, the same look they had seen in another pair of eyes. And without Bilbo even telling them a word, they knew what had happened.

“Who!” demanded Elladan, his hands clutching Bilbo’s tightly.

“I don’t know” whispered Bilbo looking away. “They were men, that’s all I know”

“How long ago” whispered Elrohir. He could tell the damage on Bilbo’s face was old and healed. Though he wasn’t like his Father, he couldn’t tell from a glance how old a wound was.

“Twenty years ago”

“Your Mother?” hesitantly asked Elladan, though he knew the answer. If Belladonna had been alive, she would have brought Bilbo here for healing after it had happened.

“Dead, she dead” whispered Bilbo brokenly, “I couldn’t stop it from happening, I couldn’t save her.”

The twins looked at each other. They had said those exact words when they learned what happened to their Mother. Words that still echoed in their head as they slaughtered every Orc that crossed their path. But it was different, they had not witnessed the crimes against their Mother, from what Bilbo was saying he had been there. With even needing to look at each other, they lifted Bilbo into their arms, as the hobbit broke down.

The twin elves quickly traveled to their own suite, holding the sobbing hobbit between them. It was their luck that no one else was wandering the hallways at this time of night.

Elladan sat down and positioned Bilbo so that he was leaning against his chest and hummed an elven lullaby softly as the whole story of what had happened to Belladonna came pouring out. Neither Elladan nor Elrohir interrupted through the telling. Though their hearts grieved for the pain there good friend had suffered through.

Bilbo had been a ray of sunshine when his Mother had brought him to Rivendell. For a while the twins had been able to forget about their bloody quest and enjoy life again. It broke their hearts to see what had become of that bright child. Bilbo eventually exhausted himself to sleep and the twins began to softly talk.

“I can’t believe this happened” said Elrohir looking angrily into the flames.

Elladan agreed but did not feel inclined to say this allowed, instead he looked down at the hobbit in his arms. “He’s so light, so thin.”

“Mother was like that to after her attack, she never recovered before she set sail” Elorhir said gently, remembering how thin their Mother became and how she was a shadow of herself months afterwards up until she sailed for the Undying Lands.

“Mother had people to help her, Bilbo didn’t” said Elladan sadly. He couldn’t believe that the hobbits had been so callous. Had abandoned Bilbo when he needed family the most. “Mortals are different, sometimes they are able to move past the terrible events in their lives. Maybe he might have been able to move on if he had the support.”

Elrohir could only agree. “I hope Gandalf knows what he is doing” he said darkly.

“I do to” said Elladan, brushing the hair off of Bilbo’s face.

The twins stayed up the rest of the night deep in thought. Tomorrow they would hunt down Gandalf and this Dwarf King  and they would learn what their intentions for Bilbo were.


	10. Chapter 10

Once again Bilbo woke up with the strange sensation of being safe. A strong thumping sound was soothing in his ear. It took him a moment to remember who he had bumped into the night before. Looking up he was not surprised to see an awake Elladan looking out the window. But at the feel of Bilbo moving against his chest he looked down and smiled when he saw that Bilbo was awake.

“Morning Bilbo.”

Bilbo yawned and slowly sat up straighter. “Morning Elladan” he murmured, his voice thick with sleep.

These past few days he had gotten more sleep than he usually got in a week. It helped to illustrate to Bilbo how tired he had been. He felt lighter than he had in a long time, both emotionally and physically. His break down to the Twins the last night had helped him relieve some of the emotional baggage he had been carrying since his return to the Shire. The past few weeks had been full of emotional breakdowns, and it angered Bilbo slightly. He should be stronger than this.

“Hey, hey, Bilbo look at me” came the gentle voice of Elladan as he gently guided Bilbo to look up at him. He had seen the same look cross his face that he had seen cross his Mother’s. “You are not weak, showing your emotions last night was a good thing.”

If it had come from anyone else, Bilbo would have scoff at them.  But coming from Elladan he accepted it as truth as he nodded slightly.

Elladan seemed to sense that Bilbo was being sincere and not just agreeing with him to please. He smiled softly again, and ran his fingers through Bilbo’s golden curls. Bilbo allowed it, even when the curls covering his face were softly brushed to the side. “That’s better” he said.

Bilbo’s hands twitched with an urge to brush the hair back into place. Besides Radagast, very few people saw his scars for an extended period of time. “Where’s Elrohir?” he asked, the room was absent of the other elf.

“He went to get some breakfast, you are eating with us dismorning and then we are going to go meet those dwarves that you came in with.”

“What!” yelped Bilbo, immediately tensing.

“I don’t see why you are surprised Bilbo” said Elrohir, entering the room with a full tray in his hands. “You might not be used to it but we’re not going to let you leave until we are satisfied that you are safe with these dwarves. We couldn’t protect you in the past, but we can try now. It might not be our place, and we will understand if you think that we are out of line but we have to do this” finished Elrohir setting the tray down and sitting down next to Bilbo.

Bilbo opened his mouth to say something, but nothing came out. Both Twins looked so sincere as they looked down at him. A small lump formed in Bilbo’s throat. Someone wanted to protect him, wanted to make sure that he was safe. The Twins wisely chose not to say anything as they saw the sheen of tears in the remaining eye.

Bilbo took a moment to compose himself. “So what did you bring for breakfast?”

Elrohir smiled at Elladan over Bilbo’s head, both had the same thought, _Hobbits._

* * *

 

Thorin was relieved that today was the last night that they would be forced to stay in Rivendell.  Elrond had confirmed the night before that the moon would be in the right position to be able to read the map. His men were all preparing for travel, well all the ones that could find.

Their resident burglar could not be found. Ever since he had disappeared from dinner the night before none had seen the hobbit.

Thorin sighed, he agreed with what Gloin said last night. He was tired of more questions than answers when it came to their burglar. The hobbit was frustrating. A part of Thorin hoped that the hobbit would choose to stay here in Rivendell instead of continuing on to Erebor.

Thorin sighed and looked out over the valley, though he hated elves. The King in Exile had to admit that it was peaceful here, and quite beautiful. Not as beautiful as Erebor had been, but it was quite nice.

“Enjoying the view Thorin Oakenshield?”

Thorin did not jump, as he turned to face who had interrupted his musing. He had to blink when he saw not one but two identical faces peered at him.

“Yes” he said gruffly.

The twin elves did not answer immediately instead they circled around him, examining him like a pair of wargs did their next meal.

“We are Elladan and Elrohir, sons of Lord Elrond” said one of the twins, Thorin assuming that it was Elrohir.

“You are the head of the Company of dwarves that came here that is correct?” asked the other.

Thorin crossed his arms and glared at the two, “What is it to you?”

“We just had to make sure we were talking to the right dwarf”

“You see, we have a few concerns about a member of your party”

Thorin’s frown deepened. “And who and what are they?”

“Bilbo” said one simply. While the other continued.

“Though we have not seen him for a long time, he is very precious to us.”

“We might not have been able to protect him long ago, but we will not fail in our duty now.”

Thorin very much wanted to pinch the bridge of his nose, the constant back and forth between the two elves was giving him a headache.

“So until we are certain that Bilbo is indeed safe with you, we will be accompanying you on your quest” they finished.

The Twins watched as Thorin just stood there and seemed to process what he just said. When it hit home, the Twins watched with a sense of glee as his face began to turn an interesting shade of red, and the twins knew it was time to make an escape.

“Nice chat, Oakenshield, since you have no objection we will pack and be ready to leave when you do” said Elrohir.

Though the Twins had intended of just talking to Oakenshield about Bilbo, but it didn’t seem right to just let Bilbo ride away. They would come and watch over Bilbo until they were satisfied that Bilbo would be alright.

Behind them Thorin sputtered, he couldn’t quite believe what had just happened. He could only think of one person to blame. The bellow he let loose echoed across the valley.

“GANDALF!”

**Author's Note:**

> Bilbo's past is very dark, and it will be a few chapters until the entire story comes out.


End file.
